the beth stewart blog

New blog in Progress!

2012-02-12T18:59:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all! Follow me at my new blog, Believing in Grace! I decided it was officially time to retire this one. I'm keeping it as an "archives" or sorts.

I am still working on the new blog, so it is still in progress.

lots of love!
BethS

grace & peace are possible at the foot of Jesus.

2012-02-11T11:13:00.001-08:00

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; All you who hope in the Lord."

Psalm 31:24

Come with me, back in time. The day is February 28, 1944 around 12:30. Up till now, life was fine. Plans were working out as planned, and until this moment in time you were sure God would work all the details out. But your home is invaded, and your family arrested for "crimes." IN the days that followed, you were tried, treated, and sentenced as a criminal, and placed in a concentration camp with your sister. Here, you both faced trials and were faced and treated as nothing. Here, your sister dies. And in the midst of this heart ache, where your life was literally torn apart, you still find joy, courage, and strength. Because you Hoped in the Lord, and in His divine plan. In the midst of death and depression God granted you joy and strength to get through it: God granted you mercy and gave you grace.

I couldn't imagine being in the shoes of Corrie Ten Boom. Her story is inspiring, and at the same time so sad that it's hard to see the light in the midst of it. She forgave the people and men who tore her family apart, and took away from her the life that she had with her family in the Netherlands at the family clock shop. Yet in the midst of the terror that Hitler spread around the world, her family found strength in the Lord. They found courage in the Lord, so much so they risked their lives to help their fellow countrymen who were hated by Hitler because of their belief: they were Jews, the chosen of the Lord.

I don't know if you have ever read or heard the story of Corrie Ten Boom, but you should take the time to read it. Or listen to the audio drama by Focus on the family radio theater: "The hiding place." So, why did I take the few paragraphs to sum-up one of the most amazing women of all time? Well the scripture that I shared at the beginning of the post hit home for me. It made me think about all the times God has been my strength, in the midst of my weakness. He is grace- all the time.

Yesterday two friends died in a car accident. I didn't know either of them very well, but we had hung out, talked, shopped, etc. And the fact of their death hits hard. You never expect something bad to happen to those you know. IN fact, it seems impossible to me. But they are both in heaven, praising the Lord. They are probably showing the other believers up there how to two-step.

God has given me grace to accept it- but my prayer today is that the families and close friends find the grace that God is wanting to pour out on them. Corrie Ten Boom faced trials that I could never imagine having to go through- but in the midst of it she found grace, joy, and peace. In the midst of her doubting, and questioning she trusted in the one who she had put her faith in years before.

Grace and Peace are possible at the foot of Christ.

Remember Corrie's story today, and remember the verse,

"BE of good courage. And He shall strengthen your heart; all you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24

*above: KJV *below ESV

"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!" Psalm 31:24

love always-

beth

glogster.com

2012-02-07T21:45:00.001-08:00

2012-02-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty positive that this photo speaks more than a thousand words.

Less than one child per church.

2012-02-05T10:49:00.001-08:00

http://vimeo.com/17611953

Follow the above link! Touching testimony, and a real eye-opener! It's a few-minunte long video, take the time to watch it!

the truth.

2012-01-30T21:35:00.000-08:00

faith is a lot like blindly walking through a forest trusting the moon to shine bright enough that even in your blind state you could make it through okay.
Faith is hard to put into words. A lot of times it even seems foolish.

The moon is Christ. Our blindness is our flesh. The forest is life. Faith is the ability to see, and for the blindness to be gone.

So what is faith, really? It doesn't make a lot of since most of the time. In fact, it confuses me a lot. A lot of the time I find myself not really sure of why I have "faith." Most of the time it feels like I can't even feel Christ. Yet I believe in Him? Is there logic in that?

I also believe in eternal life after death. Why? Because a preacher shoved it down me growing up?

Religion makes me sick, actually. I grew-up in a church that wasn't about faith and grace, but about religion and rules. Most of the time I felt like a sinner with no hope at all of freedom. To this day, I find myself caring about what people think about me, over what God thinks about me. To this day, more people who grew-up in that environment have turned to drastic measures to prove that they aren't like that, than have chosen to seek Christ.

To this day, the idea of Church scares me. Church in itself, after having gone to a church my whole childhood that taught a graceless religion, scares me. The rules, the mandatory schedules, the pain and shame, and the helpless days of crying because nothing in my life would ever add up. I still bear the scar of rejection when I couldn't go on a missions trip because I wasn't 'good enough.'

Church for me now scares and frightens me, because giving it a big enough chance seems impossible. Trusting my emotions and mind and soul to an environment of Church frightens me, because of my past. When people find out I don't go to church much out of fear, but instead have my own personal Bible study look at me like a hypocritical sinner. And yes, I am a sinner and yes, i am sometimes hypocritical. But I'm a saved sinner, and I'm forgiven of being hypocritical. I even deleted my Facebook, because all to often I caught myself kissing-up to the old life I had. Posting verses to show how "Religious" i was. Don't get me wrong! mY FAMILY GOES TO church, and loves it. But God is slowly getting me to a point where I can trust HIM enough to go to church.

I've lost all my friends except for a select few this past year. I'm not sure how it happened, or why it happened, but it happened. Most of the time I find myself lonely and alone, spending my time reading a book, wishing my life could become that story so I'd have friends. Or going for a drive praying and asking God to help me forgive those who offended me. And asking him why people had to live in the Old Testament, instead of the New Testament: and why people had to judge me before knowing me.

So, here I am. I'm going to sum-up who I am and what I believe in:

I'm a sinner saved by grace. I have a flesh like everyone, and yes. Sometimes I give-in to the flesh and my language resembles that of an un-educated, foul-mouthed sailor. I have struggled with bulimia and other such things in the past. I sometimes yell at God because I'm angry and hurt. And I listen to music a lot of people wouldn't approve of. I have worked in environments where I was treated as nothing more than a piece of a**, but all the bad in my life has taught me to forgive, and trust in God.

I HATE religion. I believe Christianity is a relationship with Creator God, and how you live your life for Christ is based completely on how much you fear God. The fear of God and His holiness is something built up over time, and it causes a person to strive to live a better life.

I don't believe anyone is perfect, and I believe we will all sin. But those sins are already forgive by Christ when you accept Grace and love into your heart and life. I believe good works are CRAP unless done as a service to Him. Good works won't mean didley-doo-dah, unless you have accepted Christ. Also, helping people isn't going to make you look better in God's eyes, unless done out of love for HIM. He loves all his children equally. If you do it for the praise of men, you might as well tattoo "PHARISEE" or "FAKE" on your forehead.

Oh, and there is no such thing as a dress code. Our bodies are a temple of God after salvation, and what a person chooses to wear is based on their personal convictions from the holy spirit, not because of some crazy dork-head who wants to control people into believing that God hand wrote their opinions of modest dress, and handed it too them in a dream. That even sounds sketchy..

I also believe in Grace! NOt the kind of grace that allows you too go out and lose your life to sin and filth, but the grace that allows you freedom to not live in the fear of losing your Salvation. THe GRACE I believe in, is the same grace that allows me to forgive people who have hurt me. It is also the same grace that allows me to be happy and content, because I'm not living my life for people, but instead of living for CHRIST.

So that's the short version. Christianity is a relationship. It's a daily walk and talk, and it has nothing to do with rules. It's the ability to worship when in the shower, at a pool party, walking in the mall, or even at the movies. It's a time to talk and listen and obey from wherever you are. That's the truth. And this is what I believe.

that feels good...I have no condemnation in Christ. :) What you believe and how you live your life is YOUR choice. I won't judge you, because who am I to judge? I'm a speck[a speck that HE loves] on this tiny little earth, and Christ and his wisdom stretch all through eternity and even before this world was set in motion. He is the judge, and the juror: the beginning and the end: the first and the last. I'm merely a subject in His Kingdom- And I'm THAT by grace. :)

love always-
BethS

2012-01-30T17:31:00.001-08:00

?

that sums up my life right now. just a great, big question mark.

The Austin Adventure.

2012-01-21T18:43:00.000-08:00

I have a gypsy soul, and I was born for leavin.'

This is my friend Jerica and I. Last Wednesday, we did a day trip to college Station to visit Texas A&M, and then on to Austin to visit UT and then McKinney Falls State Park. She has been helping me on my Project for 2012. Which is,

PROJECT: Travel Texas 2012

Alot of people probally don't understand why I am on this project, but it's for me. It is something for me to look forward to on weekends after school during the week. It helps me relax, to travel and see things. It helps me when i drive to a destination. It makes me feel like there is a place for me somewhere out there...it's complicated. But I have a gypsy soul, and I was born for leaving! (as Zach Brown Band so rightly put.)

This is a photo of me in Austin, Texas infront of the university of Texas. No, I am not a fan of UT, but visiting UT is one of my travel across Texas:2012 stops. I am planning on starting another "blog" of the journeys around Texas I go on this year. I needed a project for myself, to keep myself busy on the side of college courses.

I'll be moving up to Fort Worth to our new home before long, and I am getting the cities closest to Houston taken care of. Speaking of which, I need to get some photos of Houston, because it is part of my trip! I am hoping next year to Travel Oklahoma: 2013. And eventually, when I am retired, I hope to have Travel the World: 2054. haha. Of course, the year i just threw in there. I have no idea what the actuall year will be!

The above photo is me and an apple. This was taken about 25 miles outside Austin, when we stopped for gas. I am not sure the importance of this photo, but at least you have a photo of me and an apple. (An apple a day, will keep the stomach flab away.) It's true! It helps keep things flowing, instead of sitting. Unlike carbs...but that is another story for another time! Or, those are facts for another time! Whichever you prefer...the info for that statement is for another post.

Your probally wondering why I have a photo of a hamburger. Well, it went like this. On the way home from our adventure, we stopped at Sonic to get the much needed fat & calories. I ordered a jr. sonic burger with jalopenos & NO cheese, and she ordered a Sonic cheeseburger with jalopenos. (we love jalopenos.) After we ordered it took them 15 minutes to get us our order. We opened the bag, and inside were cheesy tots. I then pressed the call button, and told them that we did not get our burgers, and they said they would bring our order out right away. We then waited for 15 more minutes. Then, they brought us our burgers. ONLY, one problem. My burger had no patty. Thats right, a bun with mayo, lettuce, no cheese, and jalopenos. I then called back again, and told them that I had no patty in my jalopeno-mayo filled bun.

We waited for 20 more minutes.

Finally, I got my burger and we were on our way. NEVER stop at the sonic in Bastrop, Texas. Your liable to get a snake instead of Steak. So, just be careful. Or a Buger, instead of a Burger. It's a crappy situation. ;)

Anyways, that sums up our adventure. I kept it breeth. I didn't go into the fact we did animal sounds for 30 mintutes straght on the way home...or how we layed on the campus and UT and did nothing. hehe.

Love always-
BethS

just a common occurrence

2012-01-20T06:57:00.000-08:00

The other day I was waiting in line at college, for admissions help, and the line was at least an hour wait. Of course, me being the talkative type started a conversation with the girl in front of me. I found out she is from Mexico, moved to Texas 2 years before. She started telling me about how put together America is, and how calm and peaceful everyone is. I laughed aloud, and she looked at me strangely. I exclaimed that I had just never thought of Texas, or America, in that fashion. I then asked her to exclaim why we had it all put together. She told me how common it was to wake-up, and find a dead, naked body in the street. Or how a shooting was a common occurrence, and how dangerous it was to even live a "normal" life down there. She went on to say how blessed I am to live in a high-security country. She loves it here, and all I can ever do is complain.

That silenced me. It made me realize how blessed I really am. She was so happy to be in America, and all I can do is complain about how "it has gone downhill." And America has gone down hill, but instead of complaining about it, I should be grateful that for the time being I still live in a good, free country. People, myself included, really take this for granted.

Her name was Marianna. She was sweet, she had dreams, and she was a lot like me. Just a girl trying to get her education. Really made me think about how i act, and how sometimes I am quick to judge and entire country for a few evil men's wrong doings. How wrong i am...

something to think about.

love always-
BethS

Miranda Lambert - More Like Her

2011-12-30T11:25:00.000-08:00

haha & lol

2011-12-14T16:47:00.001-08:00

The Science and Origin of “HaHa” and “LOL”
-by Beth Stewart

First of all, the title is just so you would be interested enough to read my article. It’s really not as complicated as I lead you to believe by the title, “the science and origin…”. I just felt that under the circumstances, a fancy sounding title might make-up for the sheer stupidity of the following article you are about to read. But maybe in a different world, what I am about to write would be considered a science, who knows? I may very well be the Einsteinette of the New Age and technology infested world. So here it goes, ‘The science and origin of “HaHa” and “LOL.”
IN years past, HAHA merely meant “haha.” Or, I’m laughing because what you just wrote was funny. Or what you just said to me was funny. Now, “haha” means so much more. In fact, “HaHa” could mean numerous things.
1. The many meanings of “HaHa.”
IF you received a “HaHa” in a text message, this could very well mean that they are bored out of their minds with talking to you. Or, what you said wasn’t funny, but they felt bad. Or, what you said took them way off guard, and they were so embarrassed by what you said, that haha was all they could muster up. For example, a guy and a girl take a computer class together, and the teacher pairs them together for a project. So, of course, the guy who happens to be a class A nerd, is excited to be paired with hot cheerleader, who in the back of her mind is annoyed and very aggravated with teacher for her choice in partner. They exchange numbers, because it is the proper thing to do if you want to get an A in your project. Guy, (or the Nerd), seeing this as a chance for a potential relationship texts girl right away about project. After they figure out a meeting place to come up with the very best slideshow on why MAC is better than WINDOWS, guy texts girl, “your hot.” Girl, quite taken aback and slightly embarrassed and annoyed replys, “haha.” Or, she doesn’t reply at all. Your pick, but that is an example of “HaHa” being used as a conversation ender or because you had a lack for words.

Now, Lets talk about LOL. LOL means something different for everyone. LOL could mean “Lots of Love”, “Lots of Laughs,” “Lots of Loitering”, “lots of Launguages,” “Lots of Lying”, or “Period.” Really, LOL could mean anything, since the first person who came up with LOL is probally deceased, or is some high school drop-out with callused thumbs from texting so much. No one really knows- but LOL also has many meanings.
2. The meanings of LOL
If you were texting, and simply received an LOL, this probably means they are bored, or distracted. LOL has similar meanings to HAHA, but HAHA has a stronger connotation than LOL. Also, LOL can act as a period, while HAHA can not. LOL can also be used to hide anger and annoyance, by saying LOL. HAHA, can NOT be used to hide anger or annoyance. Let me explain. Lets say you were texting a friend, and y’all could not decide on a movie title.

{Person 1 (P1) says to Person 2 (P2)}
P1: Hve u decided on a movie lol
P2: n, but u shld dcide bc I always decide lol
P1: thats not true lol I decide a lot lol
P2: umm I decided last 3 xs lol
P1: whtever lol I may not b able 2 go now lol
P2: why lol
P1: I don’t know lol but I think mom wanted 2 hve fam night lol
P2: haha lol ok
P1: haha lol

What I just showed you, was an example of people using LOL to hide how annoyed and angry they were with the other person. Soon, they P1 decided that she did not want to go to movie with P2, because P2 was being annoying. But, she tried to cover it up by saying LOL. At the end of the conversation, they both used the combination of HAHA and LOL together. Which leads me to the last part of my article, the power of using HAHA and LOL in one “sentence.”

3. HAHA and LOL used together
When HAHA and LOL are used together, it is the writers subconscious trying to end a conversation without sounding rude, but also a way to actually end the conversation with power. I mean, who has anything to say to HAHA and LOL?

Why are HAHA and LOL so powerful when used together? HAHA is sending one of the signals that I discussed with you earlier to the other person, while LOL is being used as a period. It is signifying that this conversation is over. Now, if the other reader isn’t using his brain, he might assume that the other person thought what he said was funny. Trust me, it almost never is.

P1: I had a bad day lol
P2: that sucks lol
P1: ya
P2: haha lol

Trust me when I say that P2 didn’t think that P1’s “ya” was funny. Just use your brain people!

This brings my discussion to a close. I hope you have learned something new today. HAHA’s and LOL’s in our modern society carry much more weight and meaning than you sometimes know. Feel enlightened, your one more HAHA and LOL closer to being as smart as me. ;) haha lol

just like David

2011-12-07T21:24:00.001-08:00

I have had writers block. It's true. Used too, I could sit down in front of my computer screen and write just about anything. I could relate what happened in my life, to a lesson in trusting Christ. But a lot has happened this year in my life, and friends, i find it harder to write than ever before.

I could sit here, and lie-write by saying "all is good with Beth and Christ!" But as I said, I would be lie-writing. To be perfectly honest, to the few readers who read this blog, I have been going through a season of drought. A season of running. A season of trying to figure out who I am in Christ. "I'M a daughter of the King of Kings!" True- but do I really believe that? Your a beautiful masterpiece made in the image of God! True- but do i truly, deep down in my heart believe that? Do I truly have a fear of God, or am I just playing the part, and acting like I do have a relationship?

How is it, that I desire closeness with HIM, yet I so easily throw it aside? How is it I curse His name without guilt or shame until long after the fact? And then curse again in disgust of myself? How is it I will spend hours upon hours trying to figure out my life, when all I really have to do is act in faith? How is it I will allow my addictions to overcome me in so many ways, that I let it effect my career? And my life? And my family?

Who am I, really?

That question haunts me everyday now. I look in the mirror, and I see Bethany Kay Stewart. But I don't see joy. I don't see peace. I see a girl with the knowledge of peace and joy, but a girl who won't allow that knowledge to penetrate her life in a new way. It's a wall of pride that has built up, and no matter how hard I beat my fists against that pride, it won't budge. I have fallen in pain and depression, and I have let past mistakes come back and eat me up. WHAT IS THIS? I ask myself everyday.

and yet...it isn't over.
In the midst of confusion, there is light. Even though I may be in a period of questions and unsurity, I can not, nor ever will I lose the one who saved me October 5, 1999 in the living room of my families ranch house, in small town Texas. I can fall down in brokenness, and I can question my very existence, but I will never, ever lose the ONE who has made all things new! Nor will He ever stop loving me. And this I know...deep down I know it. But in this season of doubt and questioning, I relate to David, when I read His Psalms. A Man after God's own heart, who went through many of the things I am going through. God is Holy. He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter how many times I have forsook Him. <3
God Be Praised!

love love love
BethS

{addictions.sickness---no more.}

2011-12-02T20:55:00.000-08:00

One day, there will be no more sickness, pain, addictionss, sin, suffereing, hatred, sadness, seperation, desperation, and false hope. One day that will all be wiped away, and destroyed with the pure holiness of father God when He returns! Oh, GLORIOUS day!

I've had my doubts this year about Christ, hope, faith, Christianity, and what it was all about. I have run away from problems and insecurities and have felt helplessly alone. I have been in a dark place in my life to a point of lieing on the ground of an unlit room, crying out to the Lord, because I had nothing left. The shame of past mistakes overcame me, and the shame of the false idols caught me in a vice. I truely, was nothing at that moment in time. I had fallen into the very pit God had brought me out of years before. That pit of seperation- only this time I had the wire of hope to pull me out. The love of God pulled me out of the pit, and set me down on solid ground. This ground where I lied for weaks trying to recover from where my sadness had put me. The curse of sinhad tried to get the better of me, but the Lord's grace never leaves, no matter how down-slidden one becomes.

So, why did I just post all this? This is a new start for me. A new hope, and a new journey! "Old things are passed away, and behold, all things become new." I have become new in Grace- in Jesus. My passion in life is to show others how they too can be free from sin, addictions, pain- and cleave to the hope and joy of one day truely being free from any sin. ONe day, those who trusted in Jesus Christ, will be sinless, blameless, and can live for eternity serving Creator God. What a blessing. What a privelage. What a joy.

look to Jesus, cleave to Grace, know your forgiven!
love love love
BethS

time isn't measured.

2011-12-01T18:17:00.000-08:00

No one can predict the future. Maybe that's why so many are afraid of it. Most of us will fall in love. Most of us will one day get married. Most of us will one day be very succesful in our jobs. All of us will one day face the judgement seat. All of us will one day die. But the uncertainty of when, where, who, and why are the main causes of fear. When will I meet the one? Where will I live? Who will I meet? And why(how) will I die?

The futrue is a funny thing. It can cause happiness, grief, contentment, love, discontentment, and longing when the future becomes the present. 10 minutes ago, I was living in the past. I will never get those 10 minutes back...it's a scary realization.

So the future can not only be terrifying, it can also be hope. A light in a dark moment. What happened in the past is the past, and nothing can bring that horrible moment back to you. We only have the future to look forward to and live for!

We can't predict the future. But we can shape our future by the decisions we make today. Ten minutes ago, I was living in the past. Now, I'm in the future. Time is a precious gift...use your time to shape your life. The past is past, but we have our future ahead of us. We may have setbacks, but we can only try harder and look to the cross! Success isn't measured by time. It is measured by how you use your time. ♥

We will have setbacks. We will make mistakes. Why hell, we will really screw-up sometimes! But we can't let those mistakes influence the rest of our lives in a bad way. We need to learn from them, and push on. Life IS what you make it. We can make it a complete waste of Oxygen, or we can make it a life living to serve. Take it from a girl who is full of mistakes and screw-ups. After I mess-up, I get my cry-in, and then I buckle-up and face life head on. I resolve to not mess-up again in that way, and I thank the Lord for His grace to try again. God is good! And life is full of opportunities.

I have more to say, but not the words to communicate it. So I'll leave you with the Marilyn quote below, and just say never give up. Remember time isn't measured by mistakes...and remember that life is full of opportunities. It's what we make of it.

love love love
BethS <3 <3 <3

“This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe

{a day} at a time

2011-11-30T17:51:00.001-08:00

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
- Marilyn Monroe

i have you in the comfort of my love

2011-11-07T04:08:00.000-08:00

I have you in the comfort of my love.
-by bethS

When your heart begins to bleed, lean on me-
When you feel the burdens of this world,
When all you know & love is crushed,
Look above and lift your eyes towards me-
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light
And i have you in the comfort of my loving arms.
My ways are not your ways-
But my best far excells your best.
So look above & lean on me-
i have you in the comfort of my love.

2011-11-06T15:15:00.000-08:00

God, am I crazy? Am I crazy to believe this world was molded from nothing, and when you spoke, that everything came into existence? That before time, and matter, and space that you still existed? How is that even possible? The indescribable power of you makes me quake, tremble, and shake. Your power overwhelms me, and at times I just want to try and understand you & everything that you are- but it’s impossible. So God, am I crazy? Because this faith I have in you is so real. It causes me to fear you, and love you at the same time.

God, am I crazy? To believe that you made life in 6 days. That you made the cell, and the DNA to fix itself? Lord, how is it possible that you created every cell to contain enough genetic material to go to the moon and back, and our bodies are made of trillions of cells? God, how indescribable is your power! Your imagination and power overwhelm me! To think that in heaven, will be a whole new color spectrum, and to heal a human from an incurable disease is nothing to you. God, am I crazy? Because your power is overwhelming me.

God, am I crazy? To have faith in a God who I have never seen? But Lord, I feel your presence! I feel you in the sunshine, and I feel you whisper in my heart- but how I long to see you! Am I crazy? To believe in an eternal life after death, because of someone who came to die for me! OH, how much pain was felt on the Lord, to see His son murdered for sinners. For we are mere specks of dust who sin, and break the heart of the creator! God, am I crazy to believe you love me! But Lord, your words in the Bible they comfort me. The love you have for us is so overwhelming, and I can’t help but love you. Your love is overwhelming me.

God, am I crazy? To believe that you cannot sin? How is it possible, to have the incapacity to think a bad thought, or to say a bad thing. God, you’re so holy! Am I crazy to believe in your infinite wisdom, and the beauty of your capability to forget my sin, and my pride, because of the holy, precious blood of your only son? The blood of your son who is perfect, and innocent of any wrong! Who could never think a wrong thought…how is it possible? Lord, your holiness is overwhelming me!

God am I crazy to believe you love me? I am nothing but dust, breathed into life by your breath. At times I doubt, because when I sin the shame I feel is overbearing. But then, I feel your love in the little things around me, and I know I’m forgiven. Lord, you overwhelm me! Your indescribable mercy, and love blankets me in peace and security in a world full of hatred. Oh Lord, you overwhelm me! Every aspect of your being, of your power, of your love, of your creation of my soul- Lord, it causes me to shudder at your power.

So lord, am I crazy? I honestly don’t care if I am, because believing in anything but you would be foolish. Because your overwhelming love & grace is so powerful! Creation screams out your name! The flowers wait for your whisper, and warm breath to tell them it is Spring. The trees wait ‘til you send a chill wind to release their leaves in the fall. The mountains sit quiet, unmovable, just to point to you in Heaven. I wish I could put into words the greatness of you- but I lack the knowledge to put you into words. Your holiness is indefinable, and your power is unspeakable, because we sit dumb, not knowing how Great you really are!

God, am I crazy? Am I crazy to believe that you can use me? I’m so inarticulate, mute, dumb, and speechless when it comes to writing down my limited knowledge of your greatness. I don’t have any words…Lord, just make my life to scream you! Please don’t let me fall into the Obscurantism of today’s society: having the knowledge of you, but falling to the opposition, and not sharing it! God, am I crazy? BUT I am your creation and I want to be like the mountain, strong, and immoveable to the fiery darts that are shot at me. So Lord, I will wait for your return, and until then, help me scream your love and your power from my very being, so no one will doubt if I’m not a child of you! God, help me be filled so much with you that I become crazy almost! So filled with the love of Christ, that I am willing to throw away the life of sin and worldly lusts, just so I can one day kneel before your thrown of grace and know that I did my best, and know you will say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” God, your grace overwhelms me!

God, am I crazy? Because I feel dumb. I am at a loss for words, I am inarticulate at speaking your name. Lord, I am not even worthy of speaking your name! IT IS SO HOLY. I am such a sinner, that the honor of even speaking your name. LORD, the fear of you exists in my life. I am crazy, to not believe in you! For a life without you would be an abominable, empty life. God, I am crazy to believe I have the right to go through life and not sharing the love , mercy, and grace you so willingly offer. ABBA FATHER YOUR SO HOLY. HOLY HOLY HOLY LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. Your infinite wisdom, your unending mercy, your unconditional love, your precious grace, your Holy Name: God, you overwhelm me. LORD JESUS CHRIST, you overwhelm me. The very essence of you causes me to tremble. Your so good, oh Lord!

Forgive me Oh Jesus! Forgive my sinful attitude, and how easy it is for me to fall into the sins that you released me from! Forgive the parasite on me, that longs to go back to the decay of this fallen world, and that longs to feed on the flesh of sin! Take the evil around me, and crush it! Oh JESUS, CLEANSE my heart. Make me into the women, and the child that you long for me to be! Clean my heart OH Lord. Renew a right spirit within me! I long to see your face, but I am unworthy of seeing your holiness.

Love,love,love
BethS

joyyyyy

2011-09-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

Its like im falling. But you catch me everytime. In my weakest moment. You are the strong one. Yes you are the strongone. (you r the strong one lyrics)

So i'm living in sunny pensacola,florida and studying biology. Hard to belive! This is it. Im a college freshman. Oh my goodness. Im also typing this post from my phone, which is why its not as even as it could be and as well written. But i wanted to share some of what God has been teaching me. First, he has shown me the freedom of surrender to him. I never thought there would be freesom in surrender . That doesnt even make aince, right? Well....maybe not. But when im under Christ, instead of trying to do my own thing i have this joy. People told me they could even see a difference. Am i perfect now? Ughhh....noooooo. I still will make many mistakes, but being under Jesus brings me so much joy. :) second. The importance of getting rid of baggage. God had been xonvicting me of aome areas in my life tha t i needed to channge. And finally taking action, and litteraly throwing it away is amazing. Its a literal burdwn liftes. Praise Jesus! Well there is so much morw, but imblate for class. Lobe love love.
BethS

no more.

2011-09-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

Well, due to some changes in plans, I'm keeping this blog. :) SO the next 4 years blog no longer exsists.

love love love!
BethS

from the phone

2011-09-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

Yaayyyyy

2011-08-17T21:04:00.001-07:00

You know that feeling of anxiety and disappointment that gets bottled up inside of you? Yeah. Well, I have that feeling. And let me tell you about it, it sucks..it's like preparing to fail when you haven't yet.

I look at my life, and I see things in a different perspective. I see things & i try to understand whats going on from different point of views. Let me explain: I look at my life from an outsiders point of view, and try to figure out what they are thinkking. MOst of the time I don't have to guess, because they like to come out and tell me what they are thinking. And it goes a long the lines of, "you are BLEEP stupid and BLEEEP and BLEEPP..." you get the point.

People tell me to ignore what they are saying. They say it doesn't matter, but doesn't it matter at least a little bit? If i don't care what people think at all then wouldn't that give me a free ticket to live irresponsibly? BUt then their are stupid ultra wierd people who don't live life at all hardly, and they judge for even the smallest life living action that another person may take.

I don't even know the purpose for this post.

its whatever.

ON a lighter note, last night I recieved the Gold Star award. It was an honor, and SO incredibally blessed to recieve it!

{random}

2011-08-07T11:35:00.001-07:00

Its true. It's summer. SUMMER.SUMMER.SUMMER. :)

But guess what? Its over. In like 3 weeks. NO. :(

Today a the brother of the man I petsit for caught me talking to myself. It was embarrassing.

...and that was random.

The other day I said A for effort! And no one caught my blonde statement...

I am drinking a diet vanilla dr. pepper with easy ice. I order cheeseburgers without cheese...isn't that like ordering onion rings without the onion?

I like to drink water from a wineglass. Its true. It makes it taste better.

I wear white to make myself look more tan.

I have hit on a police man before. It wasn't good. I fled the scene of the crime as fast as my short little legs could carry me.

I carry a big purse so I can bring an extra pair of clothes around with me. You never know when an accident could happen.

I brush my teeth, and then drink a glass of orange juice before bed. Yes. IT defeats the purpose.

I like to listen to country music when I'm happy and rock when i'm mad.

I love hugs, but I have to be in the mood.

I like getting muddy. I have since I was a baby. I think its because I was born in the swamp.

I used to wake up singing about squirrlls!

I peed in my bed till I was 5.

I used to sleep walk, and I'd wake up at the other end of the house.

I run in the dark.

I hate germs.

I love killing snakes.

I lighten my hair to fit my personality.

I love pink.

I dress like a hippie a lot.

I wear bikinis around the house...

I'm awkward.

I'm wierd.

I love life. :)

I like to take my siblings stuff without permission. Makes me feel like a rebel. :)

I suck at math.

I am really good a coming up with creative ideas.

I stink of photography.

I like to do scary things. AKA: dumb stuff.

And thats all you need to know about me for now... :)

[a lil bit of Marilyn]

2011-08-01T10:08:00.001-07:00

Yes, this post is about marilyn Monroe. Sorta. A lot of people really dislike her because of her lifestyle, and yes, she did have a sad lifestyle withd drugs and such. But she is still a little inspiring to me. Let me explain. Marilyn was a normal girl. She had self-image problems, and problems in life. That's why I like her so much.

We all have insecurites. I have a lot of insecuirties. My legs, my butt, my face, my smile, my haircut, my arms,...well...I'm really insecure. But that is a constant battle that God is helping me conquer! I am blessed to have friends and family who love me for me... :)

So when I'm feeling insecure, I remember/do these things. I call it my "A lil' bit of marilyn list."

1. I am perfectly & wonderfully made
2. "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe
3. I do my hair & make-up real pretty and go shopping :)

Everyone has there own "pick-me-up" list...but this one is mine. :)

love love love
BethS
Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
— Marilyn Monroe

[my brother dan& I at the movies]

{my highschool creephearts}

2011-07-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

Last night at a friends house I watched the creepiest, scariest, most disgusting movie I have ever seen. Call it my, "I want to see if I can make it through a horror film" moment. I made through, but I have never screamed so much in my entire life. It was sick. Literally. Now, me telling you this, it does have a point. The point being it made me think about some creepy people i've had the dis-pleasure of knowing in my highschool years. I call them, "MY high-school creep-hearts." They should be proud. A post dedicated to them on my blog that no one reads. :) Except my mom. And she will be horrified to know I watched a horror movie. But its okay. I'm an adult now. :)

1. The hot, but too emotional cowboy
My first highschool creep-heart was a very hot cowboy. I met him a camp, and I was completely smitten. Not only was he seriously hot, buff, and sweet, he was blonde. He asked for my number, and of course I gave it too him. (I was 15-he was 18) I soon found out he wasn't all good looks, he was also meet a girl fall head first in "love" type of guy. In one week, he texted me, called me, wrote me texts saying that He loved me, and i was the best girl he had ever met, etc, etc. Did I mention that camp was only one night? So techically we had only hung-out for 10 hours? Yeah. I was creeped out and didn't text back anymore. He called me everyday for about a week after I stopped contacting him. But I did the right thing. Too bad he was such a hunk...cause he was creepy!

2. The skinny-nerd/Physcho-path
This has to be my creepiest guy yet. Technically, I skipped over one of the creepers I had...i still know him and I don't want him to be offended by me talking about why I was creeped out by his actions. So, I will share with you about the skinny-nerd. I met skinnypants at my work. Now, I thought he was this awkward sweet kid so we became pals and talked and stuff. Turns out, He was awkward. BUt not as sweet as I thought. He had a fiance and he was going to buy her a ring because he hadn't bought her one yet. (Creep!) He also told me about his family, and how his dad was moving back in with him mom and step dad. (Wierd.) He also would go on and on about how smart he was and how much he loved his fiance.

My bro & I ran into him a walmart one evening and he told me how him and his fiance broke up. I was like, "Oh, that stinks. sorry about that." He told me how sad he was, and then he asked me for my number. Still oblivious to how creepy he was I obliged. (NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!!!) THe next day he texted me the following message.

So, theres this girl, and i've been wanting to ask her out for a long, long time. Even with my fiance. She's beautiful, and sweet, and has the best smile, and I love her laugh, and I"m pretty much crazy about her.

yeahhhhhhhh...I told him no. He texted back, "K." I thought I had heard the end of skinny pants. But nope. Evidently he was very depressed about my denying him...so much so he went out and robbed a store and got himself arrested. Work had to bale him out. WHat can I say? I'm awesome. I have this effect on people. He creeped me out at work after this. He would position his chair and eat his pizza and stare at me like he wanted to devour me or something. I was very creeped out. He shouldn't have broken up with his fiance.

3. THe bearded perv
This particular man was another story of someone who I thought was nice. and NO, I NEVER gave this creep my number. Just so we are clear. Bearded guy worked at a phone place by the pizza place where I worked. Everymorning at 11 he were stroll himself over and order a meal, with an extra-large coke. I soon found out he wasn't a sweet old man, but a level 5 pervert who was extremely grabby. He'd reach over the counter and grab my hand, arm, body, anything he could and tell me how beautiful I was, etc. My manager thought it was funny and would laugh. Creep. He said, "If i was 18 would you date me?" I just laughed. That question doesn't need an answer.

He also used the "YOur eyes are so beautiful, they light up my day" line every freaking morning. He finally got the idea that I didn't like him at all when everytime he walked in the door I'd grab dirty dishes and run to the back. Yep. This guy if I ever saw him again would get a swift-kick in the...well, He'd hurt. I would have done this why I worked there but my boss threatened to fire me and it was my first job...I should have gotten fired. lol.

I have 5 other creepers I would love to share on here, but they are too creepy to bother with. hehe. So there you go. A post dedicated to my highschool creephearts. I hope I never see them again.

haha.

So lessons learned from highschool.

1. NEVER EVER EVER give your number to someone unless you've known them forever.
2. Stay away from creepy men with beards.
3. Stay away from cigars. (I didn't share this particular story with you...)
4. Stop being nice to people.
5. Nerds are dangerous.

Getting Healthy!

2011-07-22T21:40:00.001-07:00

I am determined to "get healthy!" So i've been reading healthy eating plans, exercise plans, etc to inspire my own plan!

Starting monday, I plan on training for my half-marathon, and eating better!

Mondays Food plan:
-Breakfast:
Whole-Grain Cereal with Almonds and Banana
Top 1 cup shredded wheat with 3/4 cup nonfat milk, 2 tbsp. slivered almonds, and 1/2 banana, sliced. 410 calories

-Lunch:
Tuna-veggie Pita
Mix 1/2 can water-packed tuna (drained) with 11/2 tbsp. light mayonnaise, 1 tsp. Dijon mustard, 1/4 cup chopped celery, 1/4 cup shredded carrot, and 2 tbsp. sliced black olives. Stuff into 1 medium whole-wheat pita; add 2 slices tomato, 1 slice reduced-fat Swiss, and 1/4 cup baby spinach. 400 calories

-Dinner:
Whole-wheat linguine
(Recipe link: http://www.shape.com/shape-bride/whole-wheat-linguine-with-cherry-tomato-sauce)

I am planning on joining the gym at the college this fall. I am looking forward to working hard at being heatlhy!
Love love love
BethS

Half Marathon Training Schedule: How To Train For A Half Marathon: Half Marathon Calendar: Shape Magazine

2011-07-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

Half Marathon Training Schedule: How To Train For A Half Marathon: Half Marathon Calendar: Shape Magazine

[sleepless nights]

2011-07-18T05:03:00.001-07:00

What if your blessings come through rain-drops? What if it takes a 1000 sleepless nights to know your here?
What if the trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise?

We doubt your goodness. We doubt your love...as if every promise from your word is not enough.

My inadequacies are overwhelming at times. I lay awake in bed wondering what I could do to change. I brush off the word, so I could be in control.
Sometimes I feel the need to "help" God, when I need God to help me. To save me from myself and the whole I've created.

I've prayed for strength to say no, expecting an angel to come down and stop me like Issacc and Jacob. I pray without faith. I pray for strength but don't use it when it's given. I pray for peace and love, yet I don't show love when the time calls.

I'm left in the middle of a sleepless night. I hold your word to comfort. I cry my sowrrows away in the dark of night, so no one sees my weakness. I wonder where you have gone in my life, when I'm the one who left.

I pray for wisdom, but don't use it when you give it. I doubt your goodness. I doubt your love. I live a hippocritical life wishing for what I already have.
Lord forgive me, for my flesh that takes over. Leaving me wishing for what I already have. Your love. YOur peace. Your knowledge. Open my eyes to your truth. Help me not have another sleepless night, help me sleep on your goodness and your power and your saving grace.

love love love
BethS

[That woman Lawyer]

2011-07-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

The following article is from the univeristy of Tennessee school of law, but I found it inspiring. :) So, I thought I'd share! http://www.law.utk.edu/tennessee-law/senior-alumni/nigro.shtml

As a teen at Farragut High School in the 1930s, Ann Nigro '43 remembers being summoned to an office to discuss her future plans with her room mother, a sort of precursor to today's guidance counselors.

Nigro, who was known by her maiden name of Kirbye at the time, had hoped to be a lawyer from her early youth, and enjoyed the full support of her family and friends on her ambition to graduate college and enter law school. She recalls being a bit surprised and more than a little annoyed when the counselor didn't support her plans.

"She asked me what I wanted to do after I finished school, and I told her," Nigro recalls, as she sits in a wing back chair in the living room of her home in South Knoxville. "She said, 'Girls don't practice law,' and I said, 'This one is going to!'"

Blazing New Trails
Nigro is the first to admit that her career endeavors weren't the norm at the time, but she's also quite adamant that she wasn't trying to blaze any trails. She was out to help people and to work hard. All the trailblazing, it seems, was simply a by-product of her work ethic and determination. And maybe a little bit due to her mouth, which she admits runs away with her frequently.

"I have a habit of saying whatever is on my mind, dear," she says. "Sometimes it has helped me and other times it has not."

In law school and in the courtroom, her unwillingness to accept the status quo proved an asset to both herself and her clients, but those few cases where she was unable to sway someone with her speech still rankle, years later.

She recounts making an appointment with a decision maker at the UT College of Law after a few semesters of school to discuss why, as a woman, she could not be admitted to the legal fraternity.

"I thought it would be a great blessing to me," Nigro says. "I didn't want to go play ball or billiards. I wanted to be part of the honor society. Do you know what the man said? He said the boys (in the fraternity) have meetings and tell dirty jokes, and that would only embarrass me. I never did understand that. I didn't agree with it. I still don't."

Ann (Kirbye) Nigro with her 1943 UT Law classmates.

What law school gave Nigro, she says, were her life partner and a love of the law, which has never waned once in the nearly seventy years since she first sat for the bar. She met her husband, the late Judge Joe Nigro, a few days before classes started during their 1L year. She gained a study partner, a friend, and eventually a husband from the chance meeting outside the dean's office.

As more and more students were called away to the Second World War, Nigro says those who remained developed strong bonds of friendship. She studied with her male classmates, who often asked her how she responded to questions on tests.

"They would say, 'Oh, good! That's how I answered, too,'" she says. "And that made me feel good, that they respected my intelligence. I knew whatever I said they respected and that made me study that much harder."

After Law School
The only female graduate of the class of 1943, Nigro says she didn't quite know what she would be walking into in the professional world, but she did feel well prepared for the legal challenges.

As she shows off scrapbooks (made by her younger sister) full of black and white photos of herself, her husband and their law partners, she jokes that her greatest achievement was "raising three judges,"—her husband Joe, who became a criminal court judge in Knox County in the 1970s; George Balitsaris, also a criminal judge; and James "Jim" Haynes, a circuit court judge.

Her daughter, Joanne Simpson, respectfully disagrees with her mother on Nigro's greatest accomplishment. She recalls, as a child in the 1950s, being asked to write down her mother and father's occupations.

"Everyone put down that their mother was a housewife," Simpson says. "I was the only one that put down that my mother was a lawyer. It was totally unheard of back then."

She laughs.

"She stayed home with me when I was little and then when I went to school, she went back to work with Daddy, but she got home by the time I was home and worked from there. She just did it all. She did everything."

Nigro spent a few years with local firm Southern & Southern before going into practice with her husband, in a little office on Market Street in downtown Knoxville. The firm eventually moved to the Bank of Knoxville building down the street, where it remained until the Nigros' retirements.

In the beginning, Nigro handled many divorce cases but the work varied throughout the years from accident claims to criminal convictions to a fair labor case in federal court. One judge, she admits, regularly referred to her as "that woman lawyer."

In the federal case, which happened while she was with Southern & Southern, she went head-to-head with another Knoxville female attorney with whom she was good friends, Erma Greenwood of Kramer, Cox & Overton. Nigro represented the plaintiffs in a labor dispute case for nearly two hundred firemen and policemen.

"It took us almost a year to get ready for that trial," she says. "I had all their paychecks, figuring on an old-fashioned adding machine. We waited months and months to hear the outcome, and then when the judge got ready to rule, he had to call it off because the Fair Labor Standards Act was repealed. So we worked all that time for nothing! But we both wanted the other one to win, so it was okay."

Nigro says she often worked on a pro bono basis. If people couldn't pay, she didn't try to make them pay.

"I wish I had a dollar for every person who couldn't pay me, but I don't regret it," Nigro says. "What makes a good lawyer is integrity of the mind, heart, and soul. I just want to be treated with respect. People don't know what it meant to me to be accepted as a lawyer. I wouldn't give up the life I've had for ten lives as a schoolteacher or any other profession."

{the fessler ladies}

2011-07-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

Today I had a WONDERFUL shoot with Nikki and Given Fessler in Magnolia and Tomball. So much fun!

{I also got a few of my friend Taylor who came with us}

{in the image of Christ}

2011-07-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes letting go of your insecurities is the only way to find total and complete peace. But not only letting them go, but giving them to Christ. Letting go in some ways is being completely honest with yourself. It’s coming to grips and realizing that we all make mistakes. But not only that we make mistakes, but that we have made this mistake an idol in our life.

A woman’s most common insecurities is her appearance. There is a constant need of reassurance if one lets this become her sole focus. It’s walking into the mall, and not being able to eat, because the only people you see are twiggy’s. Or not being able to eat at home, because you are worried that if you eat you’ll just purge later. Or, you just feel ugly. Personally, I have felt all these things. Weight becomes an issue so great that it is constantly on my mind. So much so, I forget to seek Christ because I am too busy seeking the approval of my piers with how I look.

When my focus is on myself, and how I look, I am self-centered. Every conversation will turn back to me. I will become the center of attention, because I feel the need to “have attention.” I want to “feel pretty.”

Well that’s crap.

Insecurity is crap. Insecurity is not having faith in Christ. No, I don’t lose my “salvation” by having insecurities, but I lose track of the faith and strong relationship I may have had. Is it worth it?

I asked myself this last night. I asked God what I was doing. The only answer was silence, and that answered my question. I was destroying a relationship with Creator God because I was to insecure to realize that who I am is who God made me to be. And that what I look like doesn’t matter in the long run. It doesn’t mean crap in light of eternity. What matters is what I am doing for Christ, and what my relationship with him looks like.

Last night, I laid out my insecurities at the feet of Christ. I told Jesus, that the only way I was going to beat my insecurities, is through his strength. I prayed, “Jesus, you said in your word that ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’ So here I am. I am beautiful because I was made in the image of Christ Jesus. I was formed in my mothers womb, and you molded me to be who I am today. You love me for me. And no one in the world has the power to bring me down, unless I give them that power, because you live inside of me. You give me the strength to shun the evil one. And to close my ears to his lies. Because of you I live. And because of you I can live my life fully and completely. Thank you Jesus. Amen.”

I am printing that out, and putting in on my truck dash and steering wheel, and in my bathroom. If you struggle with insecurities, I encourage you to write your own prayer down and scripture, and keep it where you will see it, and say it. Or, feel free to copy down my humble prayer. But remember that Jesus WANTS us to come to him. He is the Christians source of strength. When we don't rely on Him, we become weak. Keep seeking after Him!

God bless you all!
Love love love
BethS

{woahhh it's the4th}

2011-07-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

{Tay and I posing for a photo}
I was at a Patriotic concert last night with some friends, and one mentioned that America isn't patriotic anymore...i'm inclined to believe him. What happened to everyone hanging a flag outside- to show how grateful we are to live in a free country? I for one take this freedom for granted. I can walk down the street and where my "I'm a Jesus follower" shirt, and not feel like someone is going to gun me down. I can write this post, because i have the freedom of free speech and of the free press. It's something to think about...

I AM THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
By Howard Schnauber
I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is "Old Glory".
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.

I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am arrogant.
I am proud.

When I am flown with my fellow banners,
My head is a little higher,
My colors a little truer.

I bow to no one!
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped -- I am saluted.
I am loved -- I am revered.
I am respected -- and I am feared.

I have fought in every battle of every war
for more then 200 years.
I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg,
Shiloh and Appomattox.
I was there at San Juan Hill,
the trenches of France,
in the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome
and the beaches of Normandy, Guam,
Okinawa, Korea, and Vietnam.
I was there. I led my troops.
I was dirty, battle-weary and tired,
but my soldiers cheered me
And I was proud.

I have been burned, torn and trampled
on the streets of countries I have helped set free.
It does not hurt, for I am invincible.

I have been soiled upon, burned, torn
and trampled on the streets of my country.
And when it's by those whom I've served in battle -- it hurts.
But I shall overcome -- for I am strong.

I have slipped the bonds of Earth
and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space
from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness
to all of America's finest hours.
But my finest hours are yet to come.

When I am torn into strips
and used as bandages
for my wounded comrades on the battlefield,
When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier,
Or when I lie in the trembling arms
of a grieving parent at the grave of their fallen son or daughter,
I am proud.

MY NAME IS "OLD GLORY".
LONG MAY I WAVE.
DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN,
LONG MAY I WAVE.

There is a poem by (i forget who)! but it is about the founding fathers. The one's who signed the declaration of independence. Many don'tknow that over half were killed or died because of signing the DOI. Today, soldiers fight for our freedoms...and because of them we can live in the comforts we have today. :)

Happy 4th! Eat lots of watermelon and icecream, and grilled hamburgers. :)
love love love
BethS

{Above, just a few other photos from the night}

{wings as eagles}

2011-06-29T05:26:00.000-07:00

But those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I love that verse. As usual, I've been going through a sort of hell lately. Everything going wrong, and none of my plans or hopes coming together. A few nights I cried myself to bed- which is unusual. Me and crying are like fire and gasoline. But Jesus has been there through it all. I found this verse on "Bible Gateway" today. It was the "verse of the day" or something like that. "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me;
You will stretch out Your hand
Against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.
The LORD will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands." Psalm 138:7-8

In the midst of trouble, God will recieve me. He will stretch out his hand agaisnt the enemy and his right hand will save me. So whenever I'm down and discouraged, I need to realize that Jesus and his right hand will deliver me from my struggles. I just need to look up and realize that Jesus has a way out. When all my doubts come together and overwhelm me, God's grace and love deliver me. What a promise. :)

{memories}

2011-06-22T14:31:00.000-07:00

Just a warning: this post will be kind of sloppy, mushy, and dramatized. Just so you know...proceed knowing this. :)

I'm sitting at the kitchen table, listening to my dad's favorite CD, "CHristmas piano", and sipping on a drink. Honestly, I could cry right now. So much going on in my life, so many of my future plans just slipping through my fingers, and me sitting here not knowing exactly what to do, or whats going on. In my heart, I know whats wrong with me. I know why I'm having a hard time moving forward and making a decision. Whats wrong is I'm scared. I'm scared to grow up. I'm scared of the responsiblities that lay ahead. I'm dead scared. I have night mares sometimes that I will fail at life- That I will end up one day homeless with a beer bottle in one hand, and a cigerette in the other.

No one knows the future but God, right? Well. I hope he knows what He is doing, because trusting that He really is an all knowing God and that "...I know the plans I have for you says the Lord: plans to prosper and not to harm..." is true.

The CD i mentioned at the beginining of the post has a special place in my heart. It's the CD dad and I always used to listen to on car rides, family vacations to Tennessee, and the CD i'd wake up to on Saturday mornings before Pancakes and Adventures in Oddysey on the radio. Gosh, I miss those days...I miss when Saturdays were all about family time, and going down the road to the bait shop and getting grubs and worms to go fishing was the hilight of the week. And how getting a shower on Saturday night before church was a big deal, because I used to believe having competitions with your older brothers on who could go the longest without a shower was "fun."

sigh. Or after work everynight when dad got home, he'd read a chapter of "The sugar creek gang" for us, and then play "Brain Juice" with us- which of course, he always got all the brains. ha. And when October came, and the weather began to cool off, how he always rounded the kids up to play a game of "around the world" and horse.

I honestly don't know when "A kid grows up" or when family time is over-rated, but I haven't done those things, not even basketball, in ages. And I know thats part of life, we all have responsiblities. Dad works extra b/c three of us are in college, and all the kids have jobs and cars/trucks...there isn't a lot of time for those things.
Life passes by so quickly. I believe there is a verse in the Bible that says something a long the line of "life is a vapor." (James 4:14 KJV) I guess everymoment we share with friends and family is a blessing, and shouldn't be taken for granted. Because even though I won't be going back to those days, I have those memories. And i *LOVE* those memories. There are SO many I could share...our pinecone fights, boxing fights, tree house, chicken wars, snake stories...but I guess every family needs there own stories. :)

love love love
BethS

{How to...}

2011-06-19T18:05:00.001-07:00

Okay girls. Starving yourself is NOT the answer!!!

{my first vehicle purchase}

2011-06-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

My new ride :)

I call it my "city" truck. But it's perfect for me. I wanted something high-off the ground b/c of safety. Whever I am in little cars, i have huge blind-spots! But I also didn't want too-big of a truck. (like a V8-4 wheel drive), or one too small. But we were able to find this one for a reasonble price, and I'm happy with it. :) SO, my very first vehicle purchase, and technically my first car b/c my other one I only got to drive twice before it broke down. hehe. It was my sisters before me...but I was glad to have it. But it worked out! Now I have my own truck. :)

Just wanted to share the news! yay!
love love love
BethS

{sunshine, tanlines, and polka-dot bikinis)

2011-06-18T05:34:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I've blogged an actual ::written:: post, so I thought I would this morning. :) And, just so everyone knows, it is summer!! It's sun-shiney, hot, and it's tanning time! There have been a lot of changes undergo at my house, in my life inparticular. One, I've lost a lot of weight. But still a lot to go. :) Second, I inherited my first car from my sister, but alas, it broke-down right after it was given to me, so I was only able todrive it twice. Third, I'm graduated. But y'all already knew that, I am just really excited. Fourth, college plans have been changing drastically, unfortunately. :/

All these changes, a lot of them un-wanted, have been teaching me to really lean on Jesus. Some would say, "your just using him as a crutch." But if you rely/lean on Jesus even when the going is good, then your not using him as a crutch. He becomes part of your life, like you were constantly dating Him or something. Just something to think about!

Another change, my dog died, and mom got a puppy. (To keep her, and our other dog company.) I'm not a big fan of the puppy, honestly. It's a puppy. It gets into mischeif, and has to be re-trained. But it doesn't matter, it's mom's puppy and she likes it. So, that's that. I would have gotten a doberman-pencher or a great-dane pup, but I didn't want a dog so soon after losing my friend, Misty. Don't think I'm wierd! But you get close to your dog. :)

On another note:
My style this summer is white anything, hot pink, 4th of July Red, and Navy Blue. It's also really toned down from the winter/Springs bling I had going on. (Don't get me wrong, I still wear bling! haha) I wear a mini-messenger bag purse, sperrys, a brown-whicker belt, and tank tops. I love my new style. It's simple, cute, fashionable, and cool for this summer heat! Oh, and I wear enormous sunglasses. ;) A picture below!

I got to go do my laundry! But go grab your suit, and tan or swim! This weather is great! :) But we do need rain. Its way to dry in South-East Texas. :/

Love love love
BethS

In college station, Texas after a 4-H competition. We came across a lane named, "Beth", so of course I wanted a photo!

{little things}

2011-06-15T17:11:00.000-07:00

{photo-op}

2011-06-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

Experimenting with my black & white setting on my camera. Sorry so pixalated! The internet messes up my photos.

{Taylor- my first photoshoot}

2011-06-05T19:36:00.000-07:00

These are a few photos from my first-ever photoshoot. I shot my friend Taylor for fun :) She was looking at my blog, and told me I had none from her shoot early in the year, so I thought I'd share some. :)

{the lovely sara}

2011-05-31T23:52:00.000-07:00

Just a few from my "just for fun" shoot with Sara today! I'm glad I have friends who let me learn photography useing them as models! I am *so* blessed that I get to go study photography at college this fall. I have *SO* much to learn, and I can't wait to get started! But for now, I just love taking snapshots. :)
Feel free to leave me a comment & let me know what you think!

more to come!
love love love
BethS

{what is it?}

2011-05-22T15:27:00.000-07:00

There are a few things in life that people look right at, but never see. They are things we hold in our hands, but never feel them. They are like a penny on the sidewalk: sometimes invisible and most often wasted.

The first is something you can not hold, or explain. It is something that can not be taken away, and something that can not be given. It is something everyone has, but no one knows how much. It is easily wasted, and often taken for granted. It has been studied and mis-used for centuries.

The second is something that is given to us. It is something that is taken for granted and needlessly wasted on useless things. It is something that can not be lost with out pain. It is something that can be taken away. It is something that everyone has, but many forget.

The last has been called the greatest gift of all. It has been written about and dramatized. It has been mis-used, and mis-interupted. It has been the cause for wars, and the end for them. It has started life and also been the cause of death. It is something that no one can really put into words.

The first of these is time. And second, life. And the third, love. Yesterday, I graduated highschool. I spent my whole high school carreer and jr. high anticipateing what I would wear, what I would say, what I would do on this special day: it happened, and now it's over. I'm graduated. I found myself crying today. So much has already changed! Friends I wish I could have known better have moved on to another part of life, I'm leaving in three months, a good friend is getting married now, and all these things had seemed so far away last year. Now, they are here.

I'm scared a little. Will college fly by just as fast? And then my 20's? And then...life? All this to say, life can't be taken for granted. Time shouldn't be taken for granted. Our realationships in life should never ben taken for granted. But so many times they are! We all have such a special opportunity in the lives we are given. Time will change things, but we shouldn't take for granted what we are given!

This summer, I want to grow closer in my realationships with my family, with Christ, and with my friends. I want them to realize just how much they mean to me, and that I don't take them for granted.

sigh. I'm kind of emotional right now. I just can't believe how fast everything is happening! At this rate, I'm going to wake up, and 20 years have passed, and I'll have 10 kids and be 12 sizes larger! :0 Life needs to slow down!

love love love
BethS

{Beautiful Grace}

2011-05-17T12:13:00.000-07:00

{My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes in your weakness.}

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Bible Paraphrase: the message

Grace. This is such a new thing for me. Accepting that Christ is Grace, and that his gift is Grace. I grew up believing that even after salvation, all I ever add up to is nothing but a dirty rotten sinner, who is rotten to the core. Yes. I am a sinner. Yes. I was once rotten to the core. But how can we be rotten to the core after Salvation (the core representing out hearts), if Christ lives in our hearts? Wouldn’t that be un-intentionally believing that even Christ can’t wipe away our sins? I remember a few years back, I asked someone for prayer, and I told them what I was struggling with, they looked at me- and walked away.
That person never treated me the same.

{Why should they, Christians are supposed to be perfect. And I willingly admitted to having a fault.}

Many people confuse Grace with un-accountability. If you don’t live perfect lives, or hide your problems, then you will be looked down upon. Some believe that grace causes Christian’s to not live godly lives, because we can’t lose our Salvation: so why not go party like Paris Hilton? But Grace is more than that! Grace is who Christ is. Grace is something we don’t deserve, but Christ gives us. It’s forgiveness, love, peace…it’s Jesus. Grace doesn’t mean we have a free ticket to living our own sort of life, it means when we mess up, we can get back up.

{Grace allows us to start over. To start again, unashamed and forgiven.}

We are made new in Christ. When we are at the end of ourselves, His Grace makes us new. Grace is the start of a new life. {God’s grace is enough; it’s all you need. His strength comes in your weakness.}

I have so much to learn about Grace. But my simple understanding of it, is that God will love and forgive no matter how many times I screw my life up. He will take me in, when I am broken, and discouraged, he will love me. When my life is empty, and I reach my hands up to Christ, He will take them. God wants us to {cast our burdens upon Him, for he cares for you.}

I wish I could see myself as Christ sees me. He sees something beautiful and worthwhile, and all I see is a girl who struggles to make a way in this world, and all I hear in my ear is that I am a dirty rotten sinner, who is rotten to the very core.

{But your sins shall be cast as far as the east is from the west.}
It’s one day at a time. I don’t know what God has for me now or in the future, but I know I’m in good hands.
{Paul said it the best, Grace and Peace be with you from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.}

love love love
BethS

{Sierra and Savanna}

2011-05-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

And un-official photo shoot with some friends.Some turned out better than others...I wish I would have done somethings different on the poses, but I guess you learn from mistakes! They are beautiful, and it was fun. I love being behind the camera!

I think I have too much color in this photo

{Nikki and the Dallas Trip}

2011-05-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went up to Dallas with some of my family and my friend Nikki. She and I had a photoshoot of her- it was so much fun shooting her! She is so photogenic!

{and these next photo is from the day}

lunch break ramblings.

2011-04-24T16:18:00.000-07:00

During my lunch break at work yesterday, I took out a paper and started writing. I didn't have my journal with me, so I used a little booklet they were giving out. I was thinking about soldiers over seas. A good friend of mine enlisted. She was telling me how the people you live with, in the barracks and the people you train with become people you love. You have such a deep friendship you would be willing to die for them...even if you hardly knew them. I have never been in there shoes, but it made me think about love. It is so crazy how it can cause people to join together or break apart.

...my lunch break ramblings.

Growing up, I’ve heard love described as a moment in time when you have a passion for something other than yourself. As something that cannot be put into words. It is something that can make a hard man gentle, a selfish child giving, and a hurt woman forgiving. It gives a scarred life the power to start over. Love sounds beautiful, yet I don’t know what it is. I wish I knew where love came from. I could excuse it, like many excuse human existence. I could say it is something that “just happens.” But what if it is more that a happenstance? Could it be a miracle? No one can explain a miracle, except the overseer of this life, of this world. Some don’t believe it miracles. Some don’t believe in love. I believe they coexist together in a bond: a bond that can only be explained the same way we describe life. Amazing, mysterious, and beautiful.

So where does love come from? If it is described as amazing, mysterious, and beautiful, it could only come from the one who is all those things. Creator God Jesus Christ. The love that allows someone to give there life for another, isn't that just what Christ did? I don't know how to describe "love," but it was created. And it cannot be destroyed. We can lose track of love. We can get caught up in the daily grind of things, and lose track of our purpose...but love never ceases to exsist. It's everywhere. Some have love in there hearts. Not in the literal heart, but in our souls in the form of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the creator of love. He is the overseer of love. He is love.

If we strive to be like Christ, then shouldn't we love? I'm not talking about the mushy love that happens with your boyfriend/girlfriend, but rather the love that Jesus has. The love that He poured out on us when He lived on earth. He healed the sick, gave sight to the blinde man, and helped the lame walk. SHouldn't we do the same? I understand we are human, and we "literally" can't heal the sick, blind, or lame. But metaphorically we can. The sick can be the ones who are so far gone in sin. If we love them like Christ did, and point them to the light, the healer who is CHrist Jesus, then God will use us to point them to Him who will "heal the sick." The ones who are blind, are the ones who know the truth, but have shut it out. They are the ones who need to understand what faith is. And those who are lame, who can't walk, are the ones who have strayed from the truth. God wants to use us to bring them back to the path of righteousness by loving them through Him.

It's confusing. But "all things are possible through JESUS CHRIST". We can love eachother, through Jesus. So no, I don't know what love is, or how it happens. But I know that Jesus wants us to care for eachother. It's a daily walk with Jesus.

...and thats all I have. hehe.
I'm not sure if any of that made since...but I write what comes to mind...even if it doesn't make a lot of since. :)
love love love
BethS

Slow.Down.

2011-04-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

Life is going by fast. I graduate in 4 weeks. School is out in 2.Wasn't it just Christmas?

Have you ever seen cheaper by the dozen? It is an old film that I grew up watching with my dad. He loved that movie, because he agreed so much with Mr. Gilbert on his way of raising kids. Thankfully, my dad out grew that. :) The photo above reminded me of that movie...and also the awkwardness of those years when guys wore shorty shorts. And it was nasty.

That honestly has no point whatsoever. You gotta love rabbit trails! (Unless your in class...)

I'm at that awkward age when you begin to realize you have different priorities in life. Granted, I'm scary young. I'm graduating highschool at 17. Which is pretty normal. My mom did, and she has her masters & travled Europe. So I'm not concerned about finishing what I start. My main concern is knowing what to start. I have a desire that I believe God gave me. I desire to be a lawyer. But don't desires change? What if 4 years down the road, I have my bachelors and I decide to get married instead of going to Law school? Would that disapoint God?

I couldn't imagine anyone falling in love with me, or visa-versa. But that is something you can't control. Right? Gosh. I don't know what I'm talking about sometimes! A lady told me once that God doesn't have our future written in stone. He gives us choices to decide which path to take. Life is a constant pattern of trusting, acting in faith, and learning from the decisions we make- be it some are better than others. It is kind of scary when you realize you have the choice. Now, God isn't stupid. He is all knowing. He knew from the beginning of time what choices we would make, he could of made it so we wouldn't screw up. But God knew we would be brats if he had made it that way...did that make since? I know what I'm trying to communicate. haha.

To sum it up: I'm afraid i"m going to screw-up big time, and God is gonna have a terrible time fixing me up. It's lame to fear that, I know. But I'm human. I have fears. Most of my fears revolve around screwing up. I'm also afraid i'm going to trip on stage at my grad ceromony and my skirt fly up or something awkward like that.
LoL.
Well I gotta run. The AC guy is coming today...hehe.
love love love
BethS

And I can't help my arms...lol.

A little about Beth

2011-04-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever had a post about me. About what I love. About what makes me tick. (we all know my heart is what really makes me tick, if you are a literal person. But this is the real me. My emotions, my likes, etc.)

So here it goes...

I'm a girl with blonde hair, short limbs, and big dreams. :) I'm awkward and I laugh a lot...sometimes I have self-image issues, and I love french fries & ice cream. BBQ brisket is amazing especially with french fries. I don't believe in love at first sight. I am not a romantic. Have I mentioned I'm slightly awkward? I enjoy being blunt. I smile and laugh when I'm nervous, I also can't eat when I'm nervous: needless to say, it isn't a good combination. :)

Law fascinates me. I love the TV show Bones. It is very hard for me to tell someone I care about them if they are very close to me. I think diet Dr pepper with Vanilla is the sweet nectar of life. :) (haha) I love being tan. I love shorts. Water petrifies me. (unless I drink it.)

I hate germs. People who don't wash their hands disgust me. People who don't flush toilets infuriate me. People who don't do either pretty much piss me off. (Excuse the word...but its true.)

Life has its ups and downs. I have my ups and downs. But the only one or thing who has never let me down with ups and downs is Jesus Christ. I could say "He completes me" but that seriously sounds mushy and new-agey. But He is who I strive to serve. He is the one I want to be King of my heart & life. And he created french fries...another reason I know he is perfect. :)

I love people. I love life. I love to laugh. If you don't laugh, It is hard to get a long with you. I am laid back...for the most part. Unless I'm on family vacation & they decide to go play mini-golf...ugh. I love rock climbing, trail running, and anything that causes my adrenaline to rush. I want to go skydiving, rock climbing at the grand canyon, scuba-diving, and para sailing one day. I also want to drive a nascar.

...and believe it or not, i am going to get a motorcycle one day. :)

I love french fries.

I love you. Unless your mean. Or unless you don't wash your hands. Or unless you don't flush toilets. Or unless you don't do both...whatever. You get the idea. Just be nice and Hygiene. :) And if you don't mind awkward...then lets be friends. :)

♥

P.S.
did i mention how much I love Jesus? And french fries?

...and of course, 10 things I want to accomplish when I grow up.
1. Run a marathon
2. Fall in love
3. Get my law degree
4. Own a Volkswagen beetle convertible with white exterior and interior.
5. Travel to all the US National parks
6. Go to Scotland and see the Stewart castle, and dance with a handsome Scott in a kilt. :)
7. Eat a 5 course meal
8. Live on a ranch with my own horse...
9. Name my kids Sam Houston _______, and Dallas Anne ______, and Austin Lane _____, and Virginia Elizabeth _____, and Jackson Rod _____, and I have more names...but you get the picture. I love the south.
10. Have a "No-Limit" credit card shopping spree for as long as i like. (Yes, I know that will never happen...but I can dream?)

Not to sound "selfish", but write something about yourself. Write your accomplishments, dreams, likes and dislikes, friends, blessings, and just say "Thanks Jesus...for your goodness." I am my own individual. God created me in his image...and evidently Jesus likes french fries, because I really *Love* french fries.

:)

love love love
BethS

daniel

2011-04-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

A mini-shoot of my brother.

A few photos I took of daniel. They are "hollister knock offs."

stephanie

2011-04-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

I had fun taking photos of my sister...she is so photogenic!

Jesus

2011-04-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

My life would be incomplete without Jesus. He completes me. My only fear is that I don't allow Him to show as much as I should.

Jesus is the lover to model ones self after. He loves even when people hurt and damage his creations. He loves no matter the circumstance. That is what it really narrows down to. His love is present even when we don't love. The other day, I got infuriated with someone. My first instinct was hit, chew, and run. (When I say chew, it is short for 'chew out') I did not hit or run, but I certainly chewed the person out. The thing that gets me the most, is that i love that person with my whole heart. Yet I wasn't able to show love when we had a misunderstanding.

How does God do it? If God is everything to me, shouldn't he come out of my mouth, instead of the crap that does come out?

Something to think about.

Truth and lies

2011-03-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

First off, I am sorry I have not blogged in so long! I have just not felt like blogging...and also, I can't decide on a blog theme. Some don't care, but for me, my blog is a second or third home, and if I don't like it- well, it's uncomforable! Also, the post "truth and lies" was random. It has absolutely nothing to do with the post. So, in case you were wondering, now you know.

Yesterday was my Senior Photoshoot with Sara Quinett of Sara Jane Photography. She is amazing! So if you need someone to take your photos, here is the link.
Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/crazy4photos

Sight: www.sarajanephotography.com

I was able to talk with my precious friend Lydia yesterday. We hadn't been able to talk in 2 months, so the time spent talking was very much appreciated. She is such an encourager in the Lord! Having a friend, who challenges your faith is something to be treasured, but also something that can be taken for granted. I know I have gone down this road before, but the ultimate friend and challenger in our faith is Jesus. And He can/is taken for granted all the time. Numerous times I have told myself to appreciate Him and the gift of His word! But then, numerous times I have gotten busy in life's scheme of things, and left the narrow way and gone towards the beaten path. (Normally just because I get tired of living for God, and I want to live for myself.)

But all in all. God is faithful, and he brings me back. Life is just a lot of mistakes and choices and if your smart you learn from them. Life is also a precious gift to love and live out fully! :) But again, I have gone down this road in my blog posts numerous times!

So what has been going on with me? Y'all didn't ask, but whatever. My blog. I'm going to tell you whats been going on with me. ;) First off, I went blonder. Second, I lost 10 lbs. Thirdly, I've been tanning. Fourthly, I love diet mt. dew. Fifthly, I love my new camera!

Sixth, I'm graduating in 2 months. Seventh, I'm on spring break. Eigth, I'm loving my college classes! Ninth, I have a new love for charcoal grey and hot pink and creams. Tenth, I have officially fallen in love with my boots all over again. We have a special realationship!

;) This afternoon we are going to Sam Houston Muesem in Hunstville, TX so I can get pictures. (It is a history extra-credit assignment). Needless to say, I am very excited about going! I love huntsville! :) Because of this, I need to get off.
But lots of love.
Beth S

Please bear with me as I'm changing my blog again soon! I do not like this \look. blah.

Under Construction!!!

2011-03-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

Please excuse the nastiness of the blog...its under construction! lol

love summer. summer love.

2011-02-22T08:57:00.000-08:00

a few of my favorite things...

I think I was meant to live in the '40s.

Have I mentioned I love Marilyn Monroe?

why?

2011-01-30T08:09:00.000-08:00

When I ask this, I wonder honestly. And truly why something happen. Why did it happen this way? Why is there so much grief and pain in the world?
Let me explain. This past weekend has been so difficult for me to understand. We got a call on friday night. My uncle committed suicide.

Why?
I don't know why. And trusting God with the answers is so hard. Trusting God that he is in control when my heart is out of control, seems impossible. I ask the question why over and over, but no answer is returned. Being angry with God is what my emotions have been struggling with. My relationship with Him was already at a point of weakness, and then this news. My first response was "There isn't a God." Which was foolish, because as soon as I said that I felt His presence. Then I thought, "He is a unjust God who doesn't care about us." Well, that isn't right because he gave me peace in the midst of pain.

So God, why did you allow this to happen?
Maybe I will never know why my uncle did what he did. But I know God is not just sitting up in heaven, watching the hurt and pain with a "who cares" attitude. He does care. He is loving. Yet, peace comes in stages. God has given me and my family peace in the midst of this, but I still am struggling with why. I am still angry at God a little. But I'm praying. It's hard to stay angry at someone you love..and I love Jesus with my whole heart.

We have heard the Christianity is really just a relationship with Jesus. We all have relationships, and we all get hurt and angry in them- but if we love the person, we forgive. Don't think I am trying to justify anger in any way! But forgiveness will come. Healing will come. Jesus has come to our family with a healing hand. So my questions of why may never be answered, but it's okay. I trust Jesus with my Uncle. He is up in heaven, healed and worshiping God. That is something to hold onto! And that knowledge, is so much more important than the why questions.
Please be praying for our family & my uncles family.

With a heavy heart-
BethS

The picture is my dad and Uncle Jack. (his little brother) Uncle jack is the taller one.

the fears I entertain are nothing compared to the peace I have when I trust God

2011-01-14T09:09:00.000-08:00

A wise person once said that the only person who can make you feel inferior or inadequate is yourself. I believe this with my whole heart, yet living it out is the most difficult thing I've tried to accomplish. I suppose feeling inferior or putting myself down is what I'm best at. I guess it is easier for me to feel I'm not as good as another person, just because because taking a stand for myself would mean to be bold. Maybe its my fear of failure that holds me back. But whatever it is, it has a more powerful hold on me then I sometimes realize.

I have accused others of being fearful. And it was an honest accusation, but it was not one I had a right making. I am realizing everyday, that I am the most fearful person I know. I don't fear the same things as the person I accused does. I don't fear my personal safety. I fear the unknown. I fear I will never have the courage to accomplish my dreams. The Bible says that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of a sound mind.

But why is it so hard to grasp that?

I realize that my problem lies with myself. Sure, people have hurt me which has caused me to lose faith in my self. But it was I who lost the faith, they did not force me. Everyday I am am realizing that the only one who is without fear is God. He is also the one who will never let me down. But even though I realize this, trusting him is so difficult. It's like hoping as a child that your doll would start talking, so you wouldn't have to interpret it's unheard thoughts to others. It seems like a pointless faith. Yet in the long run, it brings this unexplainable joy. The joy like having a good secret, or the joy you feel when you know you've accomplished something great. Yet its a joy much greater than that! But it is a joy worth working for, just like faith in God is a faith worth fighting for.

I go through stages of loss and quietness. Sometimes when I feel like there is not God. But He always shows himself. He shows himself in simple ways, so this ignorant soul I have can understand and believe. I don't know how to explain faith. Maybe faith is something no one will be able to explain. But the fears I entertain are nothing compared to the peace I have when I trust God. Maybe I will fail at some of my endeavors, but I believe that God's unexplainable peace and indivisible presence will never leave: even if I sometimes lose faith. But as I said, this faith is the one thing worth fighting for.

Much love. XOXO
BethS

Merry Christmas! and a few pre-new year thoughts

2010-12-19T13:11:00.001-08:00

I feel older. But I'll get to that in a minute. Today at church the message really stuck a nerve inside me, and I just wanted to go cry in a corner. Lately, I have felt depressed, and down. I'd say I'm "okay," but really I wasn't. I told some people who really sounded concerned about me, that God and I weren't really close at the moment. I have been feeling worthless, and not worthy of God. I felt like God turned his back on me. But the message today showed me that it wasn't God, it was me.

Inside our hearts(as Christians), is a living room. A living room where God sits, and waits for us to visit with him. Maybe its reading a Psalm, or maybe a prayer. For me, I had turned the light out in the living room while God was inside. But still he waited. He never leaves us or forsakes us! "...for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5 In the living room of my heart, he waits everyday to spend time with me. How rude it is when i choose to turn out the light, with Christ still inside waiting for me!

So why do I feel older? I feel older because I realized in church today, I wasted a year. 365 days that I could have spent with Jesus. 365 days closer to God I could be! But instead I am 365 days behind. But you know? Jesus is still waiting in the living room of my heart, and I'm not going to keep him waiting. This year I want to try my hardest to become closer to Christ!

This year, I made a few of the worst descions of my life. I screwed-up a couple of friendships, went back to previous sins, and well, ignored God! The one that hurts the most, and the one that I feel the worst about, is the one where I listened to bad advice, and hurt one of the best friends I've ever had. No matter what happened, He wanted to see me grow in Christ. We'd have Bible study and stuff, he was truely an amazing friend. I mis-understood what me meant one time, and told a friend who wasn't exactly a good friend to ask, and messed-up a friendship. We are still friends! But our bro-sis realationship isn't really there anymore.

Why the heck did I tell you that? It's like this. This year, I learned to not run to a chum for advice, but run to God. But remember, that was another mistake I had! I wasn't really doing the "God-thing." This post may sound slightly depressing, but for me it gives me hope. this year I don't want to live in the past! But in the present and future. I want to live in the present, but make my descions based on how they will affect me in the future! Make since?

I hope you all will have a MERRY CHRISTMAS! Mary-Beth Chapman, the wife of Steven Curtis Chapman, always blogs a Christmas letter with a note about each of the letters of Merry Christmas. I thought I would do the same! I absolutely loved the idea!

M-My joy comes from the Lord! After all the mistakes this year, I have truely learned that TRUE joy and peace comes from the Lord! Without him, joy won't be there.

E-Every thing in my life has a reason. And it's true! From the mistakes I had, I can learn from them and not make them again! :) God may even use those mistakes to teach me a valuable lesson in the future.

R-Re-think how i live. That is what I'm doing. Re-thinking how I live with my family, my realationship with God, friends, & myself. This year will be a year of re-thinking and a new kind of living!

R-Return of the sister! My sister had been away at college in Florida for 4 years, working on her Bachelors in Nursing. She is now an RN, and will start working at a hospital this January! SO very proud of her!

Y-Year end. ha. I wasn't sure what to put for "y." But year-end made since!

C-CiCi's! This November I was hired on at CiCi's pizza. No, not the most glamorus job, but so glad for the money! God has been good!

H-Honors! This year, I was accepted into an honors admissions program at a University! GREAT news!

R-Rain! This year, we had NO hurricanes. :) Such a blessing!

I-Independence is the new word around the Stewart home. We are all older, and now we get to make our own descions, and learn from them! :)

S-Salvation! One of my camp friends accepted Christ!!! HOW COOL IS THAT???

T-Terrific highschool grads!haha My brothers graduated from highschool in May, and I will be doing the same in a few months. :)

M-Momma has been such a loving support to me. I absolutely love her to death. I never realized how much work we throw on her, but she is sucha dear. :)

A-Aggies! lol

S-SNOW! I saw it 2 times this year! Happy? Yes. :)

Much love!
BethS

Keep the cookie, I want the dough.

2010-12-15T17:38:00.000-08:00

I wish I could share my families amazing chocolate chip cookies, that have been in my family for years! But that would be betraying a trust. :P (not really, but it is a family recipe). Ha. I love Christmas season. Everything about it. The fun colors, the funky sweaters that people wear, just because. And the weather that is SUPPOSED to be cooling off. (We are in Texas. One day it's 30, the next it is 80.)

My mom is making chocolote chip cookies(thus the post title), dad is reading at the barstool, and I am sititng at the table blogging. Some people see blogging as a pain in your pockets, others see blogging as a way to express yourself. I have facebook, but I always have to be careful on there not to say something that might "offend" someone. Like, "Pants are better than skirts- and more modest!" See, if that offends someone, then don't read my blog. (Although, I do love skirts with tights, and heals, and scarfs!)

A blog is my personal place to write about anything & everything. It can even be a lousey "poem" that makes absolutely NO since whatsoever, but that I wrote & love. Some want to blog about their daily schedules, or to post their pictures. I honestly don't know who enjoys reading my blog, but if you do- congrats! You are one of the few who know me a little better. Believe it or not, the way I post is who I am. It's easy for me to give off an air (don't know the correct spelling) of someone who is always happy & always put together. The real me is someone is very insecure, and who is struggling to make right decisions in life. DOn't get me wrong! I am a happy person. Smiling and laughing is my personality. But sometimes I use my personality to cover up stuff.

But anyways, I'm not sure how I got onto that! Today was a good day. I went to work for a 5 hour shift plus some. It was a good shift, though. I am applying at a clothing store- I would rather work at a clothing place, than the pizza place! But, I am very grateful for the job! God has really blessed me!

Okay, so back to the title of the post. Keep the cookie, I want the dough. Mom has amazing dough. She has chocolate chip cookie doughon the counter, and ginger mollases dough in the fridge. Two of my favorite doughs! The bad thing is, is that I am on a diet. A no sugar diet. So keeping away from the dough has been very hard. So hard in fact that I failed. I had some. :P But no worries, I ran today. :) I love home. Having my mom baking has been one of my favorite pastimes. When I was younger I would come and sit on the counter and watch my mom bake. I still have a favorite counter spot I sit at. :P Don't you love those places? The places in your home where you can find a relaxtion, a place that is "yours?" Welltechnically the kitchen counter isn't "mine," but it is my seat occasionally. :)

Well Much love!
BethS

Oh! And the picture is NOT of my mom & I. I just thought it was cute. :)

2010-12-14T05:58:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared,
before I'd even lived one day. -Psalm 139 13-16 (the message, Bible Paraphrase)

Have you ever heard the song Hot and cold by Katie Perry? Sometimes I feel like my life is like that. Sometimes its going good, and other times I'm just like, "God, what are you doing?" (she was talking about a guy, I'm using it as a reference to life, BTW)

I know the devil likes to make us feel inadequate, and useless, and sometimes it works. Maybe its just in the little things of a friend ignoring you, or someone calling you a "fatty" out of fun- but you didn't take it that way, or your boss treating you like crap because your a "good girl." Or maybe its at school, whatever it is sometimes we get hurt.

I know I NEED to not get down on myself, but sometimes I honestly don't know what God is doing. I get to a place in my life where even asking God or praying is difficult. Or opening the Bible is difficult. I could blame it on other stuff, but its me...

I don't know. I don't know whats going on, or what God is doing, but whatever it is- I'm sure he has a plan...but it is seriously hard to trust him right now.
I could use the prayers...
lots of love<3
BethS

converting the converted?

2010-12-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

The other day, I saw protesters in front of the movie theater. They were carrying signs that said, “Who are you representing? God or the devil?” I gathered they were protesting Christians who went to the theater. I could also tell they came from a very conservative background by there dress and demeanor. To tell you the truth, I was pretty appalled by them protesting like that. What does that show the world? Does it speak of God’s grace and coming judgment? Or just the wrath of God, & not any of the love and grace that is waiting for them. I know it didn‘t tell the freedoms we share in Christ! Unfortunately, it promoted radical Christianity that causes many to run away from Christ.

So many people forget that Christianity is not a religion- it is a relationship. Yes, Christianity is one of the main world religions, but it is not a religion when it comes down to it. It is faith. It is an everyday faith in a relationship. It is faith that you can trust someone to love you no matter what. It is faith in a heavenly father to save a place in heaven for you. Some people thing it is a bunch of do’s and don’ts, but Christianity is not a bunch of do’s and don’ts. Rather, it is honoring a father and obeying his wishes. Just like you should honor and obey your earthly father, Christianity is honoring & obeying your heavenly father.

God leaves us the choice to decide standards for ourselves. Just like He gives us the choice to sin or not. No one can say, “Oh, Eliza made me sin because…”, because we all have the choice. Someone may ’pressure’ you, but no one can make the decision for you. In the Bible, God gives a few guidelines for standards for ourselves. He says our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. He also says we are not to conform to this world. He says we should not say foul things, etc.

Back to the protesters in front of the theater. A problem that arises so much in Christian circles today, is that so many churches are so focused on “Converting Christians”, that they forget there is a world of hungry souls longing for Jesus. So instead of trying to win souls for Christ, we are wasting our time trying to convert the converted. By doing this, we damage so many! Non-Christians, and believers. Many are focused on creating the perfect Christian, that they take for granted the time that God gives us here on earth. Time that we need to be using for Christ, not for self-righteous babble.

I know in the workplace, when I tell one of my co-workers that I am a Christian, they look at me like I’m a nut job. They think of the Christians, or people who consider themselves better than the world. But we ourselves are not better than the world. The only thing that sets us apart from them is Jesus Christ. He is the one who died. He is the one who forgave. He is the one who God the father sees in us, to allow us into heaven. We are not better. We are sinners. You, me, everyone is a sinner. BUT, JESUS allows us to be free from the bondage of sin! Make since? Because of this we have no business putting ourselves up on a pedestal.

I was at a friends this summer in Michigan. She is a wise woman, and I was talking to her about the church and how so many Christians are judgmental! She gave an example that has really stuck with me. When we build ourselves up on a pedestal, it becomes top heavy. Think about it: a pedestal has a skinny base, and a large top. We are the large top, and we are getting bigger and bigger with our pride, but eventually that will become to heavy for the skinny pedestal. Eventually, we will come tumbling down. This my friends is what happens when our “too good for you” act finally catches up with us. BUT, if we base ourselves on the word of God, then we build Jesus up. And in turn, we ourselves also are built up because we have based ourselves on the firm ground, the solid rock.

love love.
BethS

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-07T06:05:00.001-08:00

mmm hmmm

2010-12-04T20:50:00.000-08:00

This is a girl post...not that any guys would want to read my blog. :P Every girl knows how important it is to feel cute. If it is the style you wear, the make up, the perfume, and, the underclothes. I have found a new store (well, a new favorite for me, myself to shop at), Victoria's secret. It is a girl heaven! (It, and charming charlies and Claire's, and buckle, and...well you get the point. :) I know some girls aren't in to style and such, but I find so much pleasure in feeling and looking cute! Y'all know I lighten my hair- it is just one of those things that makes me feel like a woman!

I talk to my brothers all the time, and they are good guys. I mainly talk to the one close to my age. I asked him what good guys want in a girl. He said a few things, a)not a jerky girl, b) A nice smile, c)a pretty face (Which is everyone. if you smile you have a pretty face).

From a girls point of view, every girl has a pretty face, you just have to SHOW it. There is NOTHING wrong with wearing a little make-up. Make-up is simply accenting your natural beauty that God has blessed you with. So, from a girls perspective, here are some things that will help you feel more beautiful!

1. Take care of you hair!
Being a girl, I notice other girls hair. Sometimes, it just looks greasy and stringy! Like it hasn't been washed in months- not appealing ladies. Really take care of your hair. God gave us hair, and he knows that woman love their hair! He created us that way. I love using Pantene Pro-V and Redkin shampoos and conditioners for my hair. I spoil my hair. I wash it everyday, and since i have lightened it I also use a special silver shampoo to bring out the blond!

2. Style your hair!
It is great to try new styles! If you have natural dry or frizzy hair, try using CHI straightener hair oil, and then straighten it. Or, if you don't have a straightener, use your dryer. After you shampoo and condition your hair, brush it and then blow dry. After your hair is dry, use a little of the CHI hair oil, and brush it through your hair. Then dry for a little more and you have smooth glossy finish! :)

3. Take care of your eyebrows!
Keep your eyebrows shaped! If you don't want to use tweezers, just buy eyebrow wax- very helpful!

4. Choose a style that fits you!
You can be stylish and modest at the same time! Choose a style that brings out your curve and is feminine and hip at the same time. :) There is nothing wrong with showing your feminine side! :)

5. Choose the right shade of make-up!
Unfortunately, I have learned from experience that make-up that is too dark or too light is just a disaster. Too dark make-up looks trashy and too light makes you look sick. Also, choose a good foundation and a better powder. Cheap powder can cause your skin to break out! Also, using eyeliner is a womans best friend! (It and mascara!) If you don't know how to do eyeshadow, then look it up on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/user/michellephan?blend=1&ob=4This girl knows what she is doing when it comes to make-up! If you ever wonder about make-up or brands, check her page out! :)

Just a few tips! Any thoughts just let me know. :)
Lots of love-
Beth

spralwed out thoughts, and literally too

2010-12-02T20:05:00.001-08:00

I’m sitting in our family room, in my leggings and hood-e. Actually, I should say sprawled out on the couch, using the light from my laptop and Christmas tree to blog these thoughts! The coldness and tree got me to thinking about what to blog. I’ve blogged, but I haven’t actually written anything in awhile. So lets start here.

It’s that time of year again for the holidays. Thanksgiving (past), Christmas, and New Years. I love this time of year! I love the crisp air, the music, the clothes, the business of stores, and shopping. I love the Christmas trees and candy canes. I love the spirit of joy that many people seem to possess. (Even if it is the joy of just opening a new credit card for black Friday! Ha-ha) I also love the lights. All the different color lights: the white, blues, reds, greens, pinks, and purples. The lights really have me thinking though. The lights are like Christians. This time of year, as we celebrate the birth of Christ, we see lights everywhere. The light symbolizes the light that came into the world that night, at least that is what all the lights symbolized to me.

So at the end of every year, people put of lights. Some, lights of many colors! But what about during the year? That’s right- there are no lights on the houses, or in the yard, or in the stores. The light is diminished, and all that is left is the darkness that settles over the homes. Is that what Christians are like?

I have noticed in my own life, that it is so much easier to be a “Christian” around Christian holidays. Like Christmas. It is easy for me to say, “I celebrate the birth of Christ, or I believe in Jesus” because many people know that Christmas was started as a Christian holiday. But during the year, it is hard. People don’t hear “Hark the Herald” or “Little drummer boy” in the stores, or see lights or bumper stickers that say “Keep CHRIST in Christmas.” Sometimes being human, and forgetting about Christ in the busyness of work and such is common. Sadly.

Where was I getting at? Oh right. We shouldn’t be “only for a season” lights for Christ, or just the plain white lights. We should be GE lights, red lights, pink lights, or Lights for every season, wherever, whenever, whoever. (BTW, GE is a common brand of light bulb.) So instead of only being a light for Christ at certain times of the year, lets try all the time. It’s hard, I fell so many times. I know God forgives, but it’s hard to understand how. But that’s a topic for another time.

Did this rambling post make any since? I was re-reading through it, and I have my doubts on whether it does! It flows, actually it doesn’t really flow at all. But I am far to tired to change anything now. Enjoy the season!
Lots of love-
Beth

This is myspace. That is your space. Stay in your space.

2010-12-02T07:15:00.000-08:00

Some people are un-aware of the concept of space, and people bubbles. I admit, sometimes it is good to branch out of you bubble to reach out to people, but having someone invade your space just irks me. (when uninvited :P)

Let's talk about people bubbles and people spaces. Mine is about 5ft by 5ft all around me in a circular shape. This is my space. Invading my space would be an unwanted slap on the back or talking into my face. I understand some people have very small bubbles around them, but there is a need to respect another person's space. I created a diagram. :)

Okay, laugh if you want but you get it, right? Now understand, I love hugs! And hugging people. I wrote this post because Ihave creepy people who just invade my space and grab me and stuff. Very annoying . :P This is my way of "ranting."
Love.Love.
Beth

Life Happens- from dad

2010-11-17T06:16:00.001-08:00

When I checked my e-mail this morning, I saw my dad e-mailed me this devo that he had written. Isn't he the best? I love it! And when I read it, I was like "wow," God really used my dad to encourage me this morning! (He uses him a lot )
Love.Love.
Beth :)

On the run: Life Happens!
You may have heard the saying: "Life Happens"! This is a true statement but how we respond to the challenges of life, and know they are important to our Heavenly Father? When disappointment or a challenge comes, do we repond like a dart board or like a channel? All to often I am afraid I have faced life like a dart board, just getting upset at the Lord and others when the darts of disappointment/ challenge comes
vs being a channel of God's blessing to others and being thankful to God for His unsearchable ways. God promises to give grace to the humble and strength and courage to face each day. I am thankful that each day is a "fresh new beginning with God" and He is ever ready to pour out His grace to and through us!

I am reminded of the famous "pipeline", the large waves in Hawaii that the surfers surf through like a pipeline. When life's disappointments/ challenges come, let's surf the spiritual pipeline (channel) and let Life Happen through us trusting in God's strength, love, wisdom and grace vs letting life happen to us like a dartboard! Surfs Up! Have fun surfing the spiritual pipeline today! I love you, Dad

"But those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

Live. Dream. Love.

2010-11-15T07:59:00.000-08:00

Live, dream, and love have to be 3 of the most common words in the English language. Or let me rephrase: they are 3 of the most common emotions/actions in the life.

When I was younger, I never really understood why people would put "live" on their wall. I thought, "We have to live. We are living, so why state the obvious." The same with dream and love. But as I got older, (which seems odd to say, seeing I am still young), I began to appreciate the 3 words Live, Dream, and love. Because, a long with each of the words, there is an understood unspoken message.

Live.
When we see live, we understand it means to live to our fullest. It means to live with purpose and meaning. DOn't waste time in the past, live for today and for the future.

Dream.
Withouth dreams, we wouldn't have many of the comforts we have today. We wouldn't have airports, because we wouldn't have had the Wright brothers dreaming of building an airplane. We wouldn't have the lightbulb without the dreams and works of Humphrey Davey and Thomas Edison. So when we see dream, it is understood as don't settle for less. Dream and work hard to fulfill those dreams. Because, they are possible.

Love.
This emotion has been created into songs and poems and plays for years! People have this emotion whether they like it or not. We were made to love and care for eachother. So when the word "love" is on the wall, it doesn't mean to just love your family or boyfriend, it is understood to love your world, and the people in the world. It means to reach out to your neighbor, and help people around you. It means to take care of yourself and family.

Anyways, random thoughts. Busy week ahead of me!
Love.LOve.
Beth:)

His Angels

2010-11-10T17:58:00.000-08:00

I am ashamed to say, that I have taken for granted God and His angels protection over me. I have witnessed the confustion, and corruption around me with sadness, but never fully comprehending the evil of it all. Isn't that how it normally is? It is until you have something almost happen to you. That is when you see His angels wall of protection around you.

His Angels.
They stand around you.
They are invisible,
and we are almost always
ignorant of their presence.
His angels are invisible,
until they show themselves
in little ways.

A childs smile.
a sunshine beam on a gloomy day.
The embrace of two lonely hearts.
The purr of a content kitten.
The note when you most need it.
The prayer from a friend.
A flower that blooms.
A check in the mail.
The sound of the wind.
The rustling of leaves.
The criminal brought to justice.
The lost who are found.
The I love you from a lover.
A moment of peace in a crazy day.
A thank you from a stranger.
The cry of newborn child.
The smell of cinammon on a chilly day.
The knowledge that you are never alone.

His angels are everywhere.
He has his angels charge over us,
to keep us in all our ways.
To keep our feet from stumbling
and to catch a tear that is falling.
To watch over and protect us.
His Angels.

Life has many ups and downs. We will have days that will bring us to our knees, but instead of giving up we can lift our eyes to heaven and cry out to the Christ who watches over us. We are important and precious to Christ. We are more important to Him than the vast and beautiful immensity of His earth. That my friends, is a lot.
Love. Love.
Beth:)

moving on

2010-11-08T20:50:00.000-08:00

How do you live with regrets? How do you live with a constant nagging that you screwed up? I'm asking myself that question tonight. Why, what if, couldn't I have just listened instead of speaking? Watched instead of acting?

What if? I watched Letters to Juliet the other day, and one of the things said on the movie that what and if are two innocent words when spoken separately. But when spoken together that have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. They forgot to say "They have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life, only if you allow them too."

Living in the past isn't going to help you move forward. You could say I wish I could have, or what if I had just acted? The time a person spends living in the past and reminiscing over spilled soda, can haunt you. Your allowing it to haunt you. God has great plans for you, it says so in scripture. God wants to take our lives, and form it into a life honoring and pleasing and beautiful. But "what if" I live in "what if I had" mind set. How can God use a girl living in the past, dwelling on mistakes?

I'm sitting on my couch, writing my thoughts on this blog. "What if" and "Why couldn't" are flooding my mind. I've made so many mistakes this weekend, it feels like I am a hopeless case! But I'm not. I know this, yet I doubt the knowledge I know in my heart is true. Doubting that God has a plan for us, for me, is doubting Him [God]. What the heck? Why am I doubting the God can help me get over mistakes?

Maybe it is because I am a slight perfectionist. Note: I am not a cleany perfectionist, unfortunately, but a job perfectionist. I like to do it perfectly, and without mistake. I like to be the "best" i can be. I blame my lack of being able to move on on that. Really, it is just an insecurity.

The other night, I was laying outside on the trunk of my dad's car. I was looking up at the stars, and just soaking their beauty up. (Texas has the biggest sky I know)
The awesomeness of the heavens and the knowledge that their is a Creator looking down from Heaven at me, watching me make my mistakes, but lovingly forgiving and closing the door on those mistakes, overwhelms me.

Moving on is like the night sky. Even in the darkness, or sadness of the moment, there is always Hope and Peace shining through because of Jesus. The hope and peace are like the stars. They are always shining. No matter what, they are always there. Sometimes they aren't as visible, but they always exist.

And speaking of moving on, I need to move on out of the living room, and hit the sack. I have a lot of school to do, and work tomorrow. :/
Love. Love.
Beth:)

anything BUT that

2010-11-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

Poor lil guy. I know how he feels. :/

BOO! October 31...it is scary.

2010-10-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

This year, I've been struggling with "celebrating" halloween. I've never liked this day. I remember growing up, mom and dad wouldn't let us play outside on this night, because so many "trick or treaters" vandelized property. And the decor on halloween always gave me the creeps. Vampires, witches, zombies, goblins, demons, devils...all forms of evil!

Many, especially the kids, view this day as "candy day!", and I see nothing wrong with kids getting candy on October 31, or dressing as winnie or the pooh, or a cowboy. But when Christians start dressing as evil characters, such as a witch I have to wonder why? (I am NOT judging, just thinking). As Christians, haven't we been seperated from evil? Aren't we supposed to glorify God in our words, our actions, our thoughts, our outward bodies? If this is the case, then why promote evil?

Some people say, "Well, it's not like I am worshiping the devil! Halloween is supposed to be scary!" Your right. You may not be literally 'worshipping the devil' and 'halloween may supposed to be scary', what you need to realize is "halloween IS scary."

WHAT?
Halloween isn't scary! only FICTION! hello?!

Think about it. ON Halloween every year, when we are obliviously dressing up as witches and devils and vampires, somewhere in your county, or district, or state, or over the capitol of the USA, real devil worshippers are calling on the devil to "bless" this day. ("bless"- i mean curse)

I know you may be thinking, "Beth your wack", but its true. I know in my small town in Texas, a group of witches (woman devil worshippers), meets every halloween to "pray over the day and country." That is scary. And true. Christians NEED to be praying to CHRIST the God of everything righteous and Holy on halloween, praying for his intervention with the evil that is worshipped.

Before you freak out, and say I am a Bible thumping Christian: realize I am not judging. In fact, i am going to a costume party this weekend dressed as a hillbilly. Nothing evil about that! And there is nothing wrong with dressing up on halloween. But I do NOT agree with'celebrating' halloween. At all.

On another note, I find it scary that so many Christians don't see the need to be any different from the world. They feel it is fine to get drunk, sleep around, "party in other ways". Well, its not okay. My pastor says it well, "You need to stay with them, arms open, and the love of christ: you need to walk with thema s far as you can, and stop before it compromises what you believe in." Otherwords, don't DRINK with your lost friend at a ball game, don't do what they do. Instead, be a light for Christ.

With that said, on BOO! day, October 31, be a light to your lost friends, don't get into compromising situations (don't knowingly go to a party with booze and drugs), and dress in a way that you can be a light. :)

Oh- and after all the candy, be SURE to brush your teeth! :)

Blonde or brunette

2010-10-27T12:39:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to decide if I should stay blonde, or go back to being brunette. I think I will stay blonde- but what do y'all think?

love.love.
Beth

It's just how we see things.

2010-10-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

When I wrote this, i was listening to the song "Angels" by David Archuleta. Thus, the angel theme. How we look at life around us, and how we see people, and our lives is the moral of the passage. But, before you read it, I should explain that when I say "angel," i'm talking about the people who are "angels" in the since, they are nice, caring people. I'm not talking about cupids. :P

Angels
Some people don’t believe in angels, or anything to do with the supernatural. And, maybe I am foolish to believe that angels walk among us. To clarify, I don’t believe angels exist in the form of cupid, but in the form of the souls who care deeply for their fellow man. Who love their neighbor greater than themselves. For the ones who are willing to die for a stranger. Those my friends, are true angels.

An angel is the man who is the lover of a woman, or the woman who is a lover of a man. An angel is the teacher who is willing to give up their weekend to tutor a student falling behind. An angel is the mother who is willing to provide meals for her household. An angel is a father willing to work overtime for his family. An angel is the officer risking his life on the freeway to keep you safe. An angel is the man or woman willing to walk into a burning building to save your child from the flames.

An angel is the soldier overseas, fighting for our freedom. An angel is a politician who puts the needs of his country/community before his pride. An angel is the person who is feeding the homeless. An angel is the mother who keeps her child. An angel is the child who listens to their parents. An angel is a citizen who obeys the laws.
An angel is someone who loves, because that is the greatest commandment. An angel in the form of a human, is not a supernatural being, but rather a caring soul willing to be a servant to all.

An angel could be you.

Dreaming and Scheming

2010-10-09T14:48:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year! Well, its the time of year for Seniors to apply for colleges, take SATs, and study hard on the final year of high school studies! All and all, its a busy time of year!

The biggest desicion is deciding what to major in, what school to go to, and realationships- where are they going? Are they strong enough to last, even if possibly moving out of state for school? And how is my realationship with God? Lots of things to think about! Not to mention, if I do end up moving up North, i need a new wardrobe. :P ha

NOt to mention Mission Trips! I need the Lord's guidance, so much! Keep me in prayers friends!

Lots of love :)
Beth

Psalm 23

2010-10-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

Psalm 23
1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Sometimes...

2010-09-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

These are the lyrics to a song I am working on.
Lots of love:)
Beth

Sometimes i feel like Eve, falling into temptation,
sometimes i feel like Sarah, wallowing in disbelief.
Sometimes I feel like Moses, making up excuses,
sometimes I feel like Jonah, running away from the Words of God.
So how can I have faith, like noah and like Issac,
how can i be true, to the one who lives inside me?
This world we live is full of mistakes,
but GOd is good. He understands. He knows our failures. He knows our weaknesses. And He loves us all the more.
So when i feel like Eve, i can read His word. And when I feel like Sarah, I can give it to God. And when I feel like Moses, i can pray for courage, and when I run like Jonah, the Lord He never leaves my side.
The faith that Noah and Issac possesed, is the faith that lives in side. Just give your weaknesses to God,
He is good. He understands.
-Beth Stewart

oh for the cliff bar...

2010-09-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

I found the "cliff energy bar" when I was vegan last year. They are made from natural soy protein, and they are so good! I like to keep one in my purse, for when I am at classes, because they are only 260-270 calories, and they provide such an energy burst that i can make it through the day!

:) So i am dedicating this blog post to the cliff bar:) I am a peanut-butter/chocolate fan, so try out those flavors! :) the "brownie" one is good as well...even though it has practically no sugar! (it isn't really a brownie) . haha

I am trying my hardest to get back to eating right! :) It feels so good to eat healthy...:) And to drink a lot of water, so i encourage you to get rid of fatty carbs and sugars except for special occasions! Feeling healthy is so much better than the taste of junk food.

Right now, i'm sitting in the kitchen of my families house, reviewing Algebra for the SAT in November. I need to get a certain grade on my SAT, so i can go to College. :) I will apply to schools in December. It is crazy that I am already at this point in my life!

I have been talking to my brother about cars and what would be best for my first car. (I will get it next summer after grad more-n-likely). ahhh and most important GOD IS SO GOOD! He is so wonderful! My last post about not having Grace, God has given me this peace and Joy, and I just want to LOVE everyone! I want to give everyone a big hug and tell them how much Jesus loves them! I guess this is a good start to becoming more Christ-like and loving! :)

I found this quote online the other day "The way we love people reflects the way we love God," and it totally made since to me! :) God has his arms open for everyone, no matter the class, color, or ethic group. It didn't matter. We are all his creation, we are all in need of a Savior, we are all in need of the lover: Jesus Christ. :)

Lots of love :)
Beth

Blog Theme

2010-09-11T17:25:00.000-07:00

I have had a horrible time deciding on a blog back ground...So for now, i've decided on the simple look- and I kinda like it. Blogs aren't about how fancy or how whishy washy they can be...they are about what you write.

:)

dreamer.

2010-09-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

its life.

2010-09-09T08:52:00.000-07:00

Today has been one of the most stressful days. I have yelled, screamed, cried...its all just a whirlwind. I don't know why God allows things to happen, but it is hard to have faith that He has a plan for whats going on.

I have been looking for a job, but that is a no-go. I'm considering getting my "nurses aid" license...it would be a steady job to have through-out College. Right now, I have so many things stacking up on eachother that aren't working out. Its so stressful...

I'm am praying for God to give me grace!

With a heavy heart.
Beth

Shabby blogs:)

2010-09-08T16:21:00.000-07:00

http://www.shabbyblogs.com/index.html

The above link ^^ is a link to free blogger backgrounds- shabby blogs.
I am still working on designing my blog...i do this a lot. ;) hehe

But have fun with it!
God Bless-
Beth Stewart

2010-08-26T12:01:00.001-07:00

I can now update my blog using "mobile blogger" from my cell!

Why Do I believe in God?

2010-08-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

I got to thinking lately, about why I believe in God. I mean, why do I believe in God? Why is it that I believe my belief is better than anyone else’s? Why is it that I believe in Jesus Christ- but not in Allah? or Buddha? or no god at all?

I can’t see God. I can’t physically hear God. I can’t physically feel God. But why does believing in Him bring me peace, even when the situation is hopeless in the eyes of the World? Why is it, that I believe the Bible is true? What makes it different then any others beliefs book?

Why is it, that Christianity is outlawed so many places? Why is it, that the mention of Jesus Christ, could cause you to lose your life? Why is it that praying to God, to thank Him for your food is against the law in some countries?

Why? Why do I believe in God? Why do I believe In eternal life? Why can I have Hope, in the darkest situations?

Why do I believe I am created by God- and in the image of God? Why do I believe Evolution to be false? Why do I believe I am precious in the sight of a God I can‘t see? Why do I believe my life is worth anything?

Why? Why do I believe in God?

Why do I believe that same-sex marriage is wrong? Why do I believe that having sex before marriage is a sin? Why do I believe that abortion is murder? Why do believe that life is precious?

Why do I believe that lying is sin? Why do I believe that stealing is wrong? Why do I believe that taking some one elses life is evil?

Why? Why do I believe what I do? Why do I have so many rules? Why is it that I feel convicted when I sin? Why do I believe that there is a God who created the universe? who created the stars, galaxies, planets, earth, America, my family, and me?

Why do I believe that there is eternal life after death? Why do I believe in Heaven? And why do I believe in Hell? It would be easier to say there is no heaven or hell- only us. So why do I believe there is?

Why? Why is it that Christianity isn’t a religion- but rather it’s a Faith in a Creator God who believes that you are important. That you were worth dieing for? Why is it that so many reject life? love? and a God who was willing to take their death?

Why is it that many would rather believe they were created in the image of monkeys, instead of in the image of loving God and creator?

So why? Why do I believe that Christ is the I am. Why is it, that when I read his words in the Bible, when he says “I am love. I am Peace. I am Justice. I am righteousness. I am always present. I am mercy. I am courage for the courage less. I am belief, for those without any belief- why is it, that I believe those words?“

I believe in God, in the Bible, in eternal life, in His laws not because I am forced, but because He is the only God who was willing to die for me. My God is the only God who can and has forgiven me of my sin. I believe in God because He created me. I believe in God, because even when I am desperate, and searching for someone or something, or for peace: I feel his presence inside of me. And He is Peace.

I believe in the Bible, because it is the literal word of God. The Bible wasn’t written by men, but by Jesus. I believe in God, because I have faith in Him. I believe in life, because God breathed life into us, and He created life. I believe the laws of God, because they were written by God. I believe I am precious, because I was created in the image of God.

NO one can tell you what to believe. But I believe in God, because He doesn’t say woman is worthless. He says we are more precious than rubies. MY God doesn’t tell me to hijack a plane, and kill thousands. He says to love, and to heal, and to win souls for Christ. My God doesn’t say I’m better than the homeless. He says we are all sinners, who can be saved by faith. My God doesn’t say I am better or worse than man- my God says I am equal to my brothers in Christ.
My God gives me strength to get through every day. My God doesn’t require me to pray to an idol looking towards a city at a certain time. My God is always present for me when I want to talk to Him: even if I am in the shower, or on a plane. He hears me. My God always answers my prayers- sometimes with a no, yes, or just wait.

My God gives and takes away. He created life, and He can take it away. But in everything, I will praise Him: and bless His name.

My God commands us to love, and in return we are loved by those around us. MY God never stops loving me. My God Is forgiveness. MY God is grace.

I believe in God because He is the one who gave His life for me, and in Faith I have given Him mine.

So let me ask you Why? Why do you believe in God? Or for some, why don’t you believe in God?

-Beth Stewart
August 23, 2010

A Prayer

2010-08-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

I wrote this prayer today from my heart...and at the encouragement of my folks, I'm sharing it with y'all.

Be the Song of my Heart
-By Beth Stewart
I feel God's presense in this world.I feel Him hurting. Crying. When He sees his creation of mankind outwardly sinning against Him.
The War.
Confusion.
Sickness.
Pain.
Rebellion.

He sees all- yet He still has mercy on a world trapped in the bondage,inflicted by sins curse. And when I sin against God- He sees. Its as if He touches my heart
and I can feel Him crying inside me for cursing His holy name.

Oh Lord forgive me- for the mercy you show and poor out on me is so great- and I am so un-deserving of your unfailing love. Lord, be the Song of my heart.
Let every one on my heart beats, beat your love. And let every tear you shed for the hurting cause me also to ache for this lost world.

Let your forgiving hand hold my heart, so when someone crushes me, I also can forgive them like you have forgiven me. And give me your love, to love those with out you- and by doing this show them your unfailing love you so desperately want them to have.

And give me your eyes, tos ee the hurting, the wounded, despressed- to see the sin that holds so many in bondage. And give me your mouth to speak the words of your healing grace, your unfailing love, and your righteous judgement coming.

And Lord, give me your hands. So that I can feed the hungry, hold the hand of the lonely, and help the sick.And so that I will handle your Word, and meditate on it day and night.

And lastly Lord, give me your legs and feet. So that I can never be weary on this journey. That I may walk this path, and speak the truth, show your love, and that I may walk in the just way- not in the path of the ungodly, and alert to the sin that waits in the shadows.

Christ Jesus, be the KING of my heart, soul mnd, and body that I may never leave your still small voice.

Jesus- you are the song of my heart. In this, I will praise you.

-By Beth Stewart
August 10, 2010

(C)BethStewart 2010

lets turn back the clooocckk...

2010-08-08T13:10:00.003-07:00

haha So i really wish I would turn back the clock. Like so bad. I am always saying dumb things. haha OH well:) But on the bright side, Yesterday I had a great day with the sister:)) WE went to Market street in the Woodlands, and bopped around.

okay, so I can't get that mistake I made out of my mind. Oh well...haha. But I really wish we could turn back the clock...that was embarrasing on my part.

The Daily Dos & Don'ts

2010-08-03T04:00:00.001-07:00

So lately, i have had a major sweet tooth...and I'm beginning to show it. ;0 haha And so I try to stop, but it's like there is a lack of self-control. So I woke up this morning, and my dad was walking by my room on the way to his prayer closet...and I stopped him and asked Him to pray with me for strength. It helped. So I got to thinking: what are some things in my life I can change? Stuff I can do?

1) Keep a clean room(don't be slothful)
I know. What does this have to do with eating healthy? When our lives show lack of self-control, or slothfulness, we will eat slothfully...or unhealthy. God didn't want us to sleep in to 12, stay up till 4...only eat a pop tart. He wanted us to rise early, (with some exceptions. haha) and work...and I mean play too. But He wanted us to be busy. Not slothful.

2)Get in the WORD every morning(focus on God)
I know when I start my day in the word, it goes so much better! When I don't, I'm focusing of stuff not of God, so obviously in doing that my focus is on self. When my focus is on self, a lot of selfish things happen. I get grumpy, I get bored, I get lazy...on the other hand, when focusing on Christ, I don't have those qualities, 'cause they aren't of Jesus- make since?

3)Honor thy father and mother (Obedience)
When I obey my folks when an humble spirit, a lot of change happens. Why? Because I'm honoring God. Dude. When we honor God, our lives change! I guess all the points I have to make, come back to honoring God...

4)Exercise (For you shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint)
I know I used the verse from Isaiah, as a reference for this goal- but technically that is talking about how in life (which is like a marathon) God will give us the strength to keep going on when the going gets tough. But, we also need to physically exercise: and keep physically active. In doing this, we are doing one of the things that God designed our bodies to do: which is keep active. This is especially good to do cardio because that keeps blood flowing to and from our heart. :) Always good to have oxygen! :)

5)Don't watch a lot of TV/Movies(Don't saturate ourselves with the world)
This is the hardest for me. I mean, i love TV/movies. Especially chick-flicks! :)But, On TV there is lot of commercials, and on movies they focus on the outward. What I'm trying to say, is that filling our minds with to much worldly things will make us focus on ourselves. And focusing on ourselves leads to a lot of negative qualities. So, I guess keep TV/Movies in proportion.

6) Get outside! (Enjoy God's creation)
I know its hot outside- its summer! But when we get out of the house, and into God's creation, it helps so much! So what can you do in the summer outside? I like roller-blading during the day, and running in the evening. If its spring start a Garden! IN the fall rake the leaves...in the winter? I dunno. haha But Get outside! :) Get out in God's creation and ENJOY it. He created it for us- just like He created food for us...which is my last point.

7) Lastly, enjoy Natures treasures :)
But how can we enjoy food eating healthy? When god created the world, He hadn't made a "pop-tart" tree, or a "Starbucks river". He had fruit, and beans, and stuff like that. I imagine people ate healthy at the start! :) So, enjoy natures treasures- have a piece of fruit. It's delectable:) And try a slice of cold cucumber- it's really good. :)

Okay, so those are my daily dos and dont's to keep me on track! :) haha. I wrote this post to me...helps to get my mind sorted out! :)
God Bless:)
Beth

R. Lee Ermey GEICO Commercial - Therapist Sarge

2010-08-02T19:11:00.000-07:00

Makes me laugh every time! :P

a Prayer for the Hurting

2010-07-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

This is a short prayer for our world. I wrote it thinking about all those who do drugs, or self-destruction of eating disorders or cutting...
My heart goes out to them. And even though this prayer isn't well written, I know God understands.
God Bless my friends:)
Beth

A Prayer for the Hurting

Dear Father God,

The earth is sinful,
the world is corrupt
our nation lost
and our families torn.

I have read you word,
how the days of Noah
would return.
Of you just wrath to come.

I see the sick dieing
the people lost souls searching
and the hungry desperate for nourishment.
and The hurting people wanting.

Your heart must be aching
for those you love
the ones your son died for
who have rejected life eternal.

When we look in the mirror
the person looking back
is a reflection of the outward
shield we have put up.

For one like many whose eyes are wide
who touches the reflection of her face
her makeup covering
the redness from her crying.

then She touches her arms
and feels the holes from the dirty needles
and the cuts from the knife
as she tried to release her pain.

And lastly she stares
into her own eyes.
Black. tired. weak.
So very empty she was.

Oh Lord there are so many like her.

Yes the earth is sinful.
the world corrupt
and the nation lost.
And for many desperate souls

The End Of Life is this world.
They believe in no creator.
In no heaven of hell.
And in no Sovereign God.

Lord forgive us our iniquities.
Forgive us our trespasses.
Make in us a clean spirit oh Lord.
Renew a new heart within us.

Free us from the bondage of sin.
From the pain of drugs.
From the pain of cutting.
From the self-inflicted destruction.

For Lord you are the light of the world
even in the darkness you shine through
When the world is dieing
You breath life.

Thank you Jesus.
Amen

-Beth Stewart

Seeking after Christ:)

2010-07-25T05:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got back from my trip to Michigan/ohio/kentucky/Chicago :) It was a great trip- I had a great time visiting with friends. :) Anyway, just a few pictures I promised from my trip! :) ^^above pic: Chicago at dusk- beautiful! *

^^Me and Kat in Niles, Michigan on Main Street:) It was a small town:)
I learned a lot on this trip...I wish I could put into words what joy I experienced. God became so real to me. HE IS GOD. GOD IS GOD- He is Jesus Christ. His love is un-ending...Creation screams His name...

It was such an amazing experience to visit the Creation Musuem, and see first hand the steps of Creation, the fall, curse, and then being freed by God's son Jesus dieing on the cross. It is easy to just brush that off as whatever...but someone died. CHRIST JESUS died to take my place. Really think about that. WE were going to die and go to hell. But Christ died for us. He saved us.

And not only realizing just how awesome, Just, and loving my God really is. I also learned that when we seek after Wisdom, we are seeking after Christ- because CHRIST is wisdom. When we ask God for wisdom in life, for understanding, we are asking Him for Him- we asking Him to come in and live through us. To give us Peace...

God is present with us today. What an amazing thing! :D
I hope you find as much joy as I have from really grasping how amazing my God is...:)

^^At an oldfashioned Ice Cream Parlor/soda fountain in niles:) We had Phosphates! (old fashioned Soda-pops)

^^laura and Kat on the way home from Kentucky (home = Michigan) *

Message

2010-07-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

This message is so true- and so powerful. If you have 30 minutes, watch it! I'll encourage you:)

http://mediasuite.316networks.com/player.php?p=hhaclzik

Go to link, and then Monday Morning part 11 with Matt Chandler, Village Church:)

My Summer so far...

2010-07-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

I just realized I haven't updated my journal life in a while. That really didn't make any since- lets say it this way. I haven't told y'all what I've been doing in a while. ha. Last time I did, i told y'all I had gone to Colorado....but that was Spring. My summer has been great. :)

Last 2 years, I had gone to drama camp at Pensacola Christian College. This year, I went to Computer Science Camp. It was fun:). I would tell y'all stories, but they would go on and on- but I will tell one. I was at the airport going through security. As you know, your not aloud to take liquids on the plane, but I had forgotten to take out a water bottle.

The security crew of course had to hand search my bag once they saw the water. The guy doing the search, looked in my purse, then looked at me. He said "you have a sword in here." I of course freaked out internally, but I calmly told him "I don't have a sword!" He smiled, and pulled out my Bible.

(brother Zach and I on the way to 4th of July fireworks)
Is that cool or what? While he searched my bag, we were able to talk some. Turns out, he used to work at PCC, and his kids went to PCC. Small world:) Anyway, that made my day. :)

Tomorrow I am flying up north into Chicago airport. My first piano teacher, and her sister(my friends) are picking me up. :) I'm going to spend a week with them! I am so excited:)

(me at Mystic Cove this summer on a walk)
Other than that, I've been hanging around the house, and around town with friends, family, and mainly chilling by myself. I have decided to do the Prism diet again.:) I did it last summer, and I want to do it again this summer. :)

Well, until next time. :)
Oh! and I want to tell my friends the Gautesons "hey" in New york/new Jersey! Love you guys:)
God Bless-
Beth

(Picture of me from this summer)

manure rubs, basketball, & nerds

2010-07-12T14:19:00.001-07:00

Last week I was at camp, it was fun. Interesting to say the least. There were 80 guy campers, and 7 girl campers...this odd ratio caused for some interesting situations: especially when half of the guys were Computer Science nerds, and the other half were at basketball camp crazies. :D (both camps were at the same place). haha. But, I met some great people, have new friendships, and got some things right with God.

So your probably wondering what I meant by "manure rubs?" I would wonder too. Sounds gross, huh? Well, some of us went to camp with manure and dirt covering us(lack of hygiene, much?) and we left clean. :) I don't mean we literally had manure covering us. That's just nasty. ha. But we had some spiritual things to get right- things to get right with God. That's what I meant. Let me explain- this is getting weird.

At chapel one evening, the guy giving the message gave an illustration that made since to me. He told us about when he had taken his son to a petting zoo farm. He said his son had saw a manure pile, and thought it was mud. So his son, started rubbing all that poop on him, thinking how much fun it was.

He said that's how it is with sin as a Christian- it may look like fun and harmless (like playing in mud when we were young) but it's like your rubbing poop(sin) all over your body(testimony). The world makes sin look fun and harmless, but it is harmful. It destroys our testimonies, our walk with God, our lives. Make any since? He explained it much better than I have.

(above: me climbing the rock wall at camp. yep, i made it to the top!)
Anyways, that is what really stood out to me this week. I have been playing with poop in my spiritual lives. Okay, i literally laughed out loud(lol) just now. That sounds so weird. I think I should stop saying that. ;)

Seriously though, it is so easy to play around with sin. Trying a little bit, seeing whats its like. How many of us are doing this? Sadly, many of us are- breaks my heart. :( I know I had been messing around with it, but at camp I let it go. I still struggle, and I will always have a temptation, but really giving it to God is a good start. :)

Temptation will come. We will face obstacles, but with God we can get over them. We will face challenges, but with God we can solve them. We will fall down, but with God we can get back up again. We will want to give up, but God will give us strength. "With God all things are possible..." and in the Christian walk, we have to remember that.

In Christ the world has no power over us, we have been set free from the chains of death & the bondage of sin. :) I serve an awesome God, and I'm so pumped about life right now. :)

Listen to the Voice of Truth! He'll help you through what ever you are or will go through. :)

(My new friends Madeline, Callie, & Johnnie)

Stained glass windows

2010-07-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

Looking through a stain glass window, you see the world beyond in different colors and shapes: that's the way I feel right now. To me, the stain glass window is a barrier. It confuses and distorts what I see. I see in front of me my life that was given to me by God. But It is unknown...we don't know what is beyond the next river bend. And the things we expect seem to get distorted from what you had planned, to something ugly- and out of place.

Disappearing objects: missing persons: etc. It goes with life. We all go through times when we feel the need to send an SOS of our missing person or an objective [objects] that seemed to have disappeared in life's scheme of things. Have you ever felt like a tourist? Like no matter how hard you try to fit in, you never do. Its like you are wearing boots and a cowboy hat at a High fashion designers fashion show: totally out of place.

The lyrics to "Whispers in the dark" by Skillet are some of my favorite. IT is so easy to believe that you aren't enough- but God's love is waiting to turn our tears to roses. This is the link to all the words to the song http://bethsfavoritepoetry.blogspot.com/2010/07/whispers-in-dark.html , but here are a few of them.

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is
Just waiting
To turn your tears to roses

I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is
A burning, consuming fire

No , You'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear the whispers in the dark
No, You'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark

Just some thoughts I had tonight...for now sweet dreams!

Deaths sting

2010-06-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

We have dreamed of fairytales,
Of princes and great white steeds.
We all have believed at one time
the chance of a prince coming
to sweep us off our feet,
and live happily ever after.

But soon that dream is ended,
when the world we live weighs down.
We begin to see life from the view
of a soldier, fighting to survive.
The great white steeds
we once would have welcomed,
become nothing but distractions.

The people we love mean nothing,
and we throw love away.
We become focused on ourselves
and how to get the better end
of life that we miss the Prince
who comes in our life.
We dismiss him as no one-
and we keep on living.

Then one day you wake up,
and in the mirror you see
a wrinkled face and a white mane.
The once young dreamer
was now an old hag.
The things you desired
were of the world,
and you were now leaving this world.

And as you lay in the hospital bed,
you see your life in replay.
You see the chances you had
at love when the Prince asks
you to the ball,
but much to your dismay you said no.
And as you lie there
a tear slips down your cheek.

For death has a sting,
when in life you reject the one true love.
The Prince of glory.
He may come in many times,
prompting you to the ball,
to dance with him forever
in His Palace above.
But if you reject him
for the worldly lusts,
you will see that death has a sting.
-Beth Stewart
*Random writing at 11:00 pm. haha*

What is my problem?

2010-06-22T20:08:00.000-07:00

Sigh. I really believe I am what someone has called me...I don't always get things right. I make mistakes- but don't we all? I guess I am having a hard time forgetting and letting go of the past name that someone called me: A physcho b****. And finding out that other people, have been spreading rumors about you, saying your doing things: bad things, that you aren't hurts. Especially when the people who say these things you trusted.

I see myself in the mirror: I am who I am. I can't and don't want to change who I am. I love how I am- who God made me. But then I'm around people, and I hear what they say, and it hurts deep down inside me. I guess its safe to say I have scars- and many of them are carved deep and will be hard to let go. It takes time.

Right now I am sad. I honestly don't know what God wants/has/will do with me. And I can't stand in the way of whatever it will be- but if I don't surrender everything to Him, I will be standing in the way.

People think sometimes that I have it all together. They want to be my friend, because they thing my brother is hot, or because I'm "pretty." And then I trust them- only to get hurt. How am I to know a real friend from a fake friend? How am I to know who is genuine from a person who wants to use me, and then throw me off the friend"ship", and leave me drowning in the sea of third-wheeldom.

Now, I hardly open up to anyone. I try not to get together with people because I feel that I am a pain thrust upon them. Like I am the one who causes all their grief. Maybe it's because I'm annoying...I don't know. But right now, I think a trip to Siberia for a year, studying the Goliath beetle would be a nice vacation. (okay, that's being a little mellow-dramatic. ha) Its going to be awhile to heal the scars- and in the process i hope I don't hurt anyone, and leave scars on them like they did on me.

With a heavy heart,
Bethany

The door to secrets

2010-06-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

On the other side.

The door on the other side,
it calls me.
whispers in the wind
the sayings of old.

The voices tell me of treasures,
from great kings and queens
they know the stories
of princes and ladies so great.

Yet as I sit on my stool,
watching the door
my lust becomes greater
as I see the treasures from afar.

In the back of my mind,
I know I should leave
these eartlhy treasures
are not for me.

And as I sit pondering,
a man in white stands
beside me with a look
of despair on his face.

He says to me,
"my child why have you
forsaken me?"
and my heart breaks as he walks away.

For I know i have forsaken Him,
the good man, the good way
for the lust of treasures
of the old.

And there before me
the door is rusting
the riches are tarnished
and the humans are graying.

And now I see,
what the teacher
was warning us of
and my heart saddens.

Is it too late?
I ponder this yet even
though they are tarnished
my lust for them is great.

And as I stood,
the man is white is beckoning me
to leave this place
and yet I stood.

Yes, i stood locked in place,
I could not move
the treasures of this world
seemed so great.

The stories of old,
the great riches and kings
and princes in high places
and I turned and left for them.

Yes, I left and now I am
with all the graying humans
I lay at night with the tarnished treasures,
and I sit inside the rusted door.

And i see the other side,
the man in white
on his great glowing steed.
I see my mistake.

And now forever I sit,
inside the rusted door.
For eternity I am separated
from the man in white.

-Beth Stewart

In America

2010-06-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

I encourage y'all to watch this short clip...we need to be praying for America!

Need y'alls ideas!

2010-06-11T12:32:00.001-07:00

Okay So I am very much wanting to do this magazine/newsletter! But I need help coming up with a name. Also, what would y'all want to have inside the newsletter/magazine. haha. Its a process but I want to hear y'alls input!

Thanks again!

Divide and Conquer...maybe a magazine too

2010-06-05T16:14:00.001-07:00

I honestly don't know if very many read my journal, but it helps me get my heart out. When I blog I feel rested- isn't that odd? ;) haha

Today is my second day as a Vegan again. I guess I'm in the alumni class of sorts, since I was a vegan last year for 6 months. LOL. :) So far so good. I love it! I'm already eating more veggies and protein- and less carbs. :)

Today was also the day I took my SAT. blah. It was incredibly long and horrible. LOL. As I was taking it though, I felt good. It feels good to apply yourself to studies. I know that sounds incredibly archaic, but i enjoyed it. Just not the almost migraine headache afterwords. I discovered I desperately need glasses! oh well, it won't be that bad. Who knows? If I find the right pair of glasses I may look hot and sexy. HA. Completely joking btw. :)

This summer(I can't believe its summer!) I need to divide up my activities and CONQUER them. "For with God all things are possible..." I need to do some reviewing, training, and work. But it can be done! I also need to stop getting down on myself. Maybe that is the hardest thing: i need to conquer this depression I have.

It is so hard to feel like God is around when i'm constantly thinking about mua. When I'm focusing on me, myself, and my big fat problems, I leave no room for God. NOT a good plan. The ultimate plan is following God. Being a Servant leader- being open to Him. Sigh. Now that I wrote that, I need to apply it! ;)

BTW- I would totally love to hear y'alls oppinions on me starting a Magazine of sorts: maybe online, maybe not. I'd love to hear feedback! (and no, it would not be about me. ha.) It would be mainly as a source of enjoyment and also staying busy. I thought about a girls (geared for 7-12) magazine with short stories, craft ideas, HEALTH :), and easy-to-make recipes as well as interviews with people in defferent professions. I really want to hear feedback! Let me know!

Sitting at my crossroads...and playing hopscotch. :)

2010-05-30T12:10:00.001-07:00

Decisions are annoying. I have so many decisions about school, work, life. Its annoying, but they are important. I can't just let life slide by, I have to take action: and make decisions.

One of my less important decisions to go Vegan again. I have really missed eating right, and this way of living fit me. I enjoyed it! And I stayed healthy. :) I was looking for some recipes to start it off, and I found "Three-Pepper 'meat' fajitas."
They sounds great! and healthy. :)

3 pepper meat fajitas

-2 large bell peppers (1 red, 1 yellow), seeded and cut into 1/4-inch-thick strips
-4 fame-grilled meatless burgers, cut into 1/2 inch strips
-1 large Vidalia onion, sliced
-2 jalapeno or Serrano chilies, seeded and thinly sliced
-3 cloves garlic, minced
-1/2 cup coarsely chopped cilantro
-2 Tbs. olive oil
-2 to 3 tsp. Southwestern or fajita spice blend, to taste
-2 Tbs. fresh lime juice

Preheat baking sheet to 450deg. oven. cut four 20-inch sheets of heavy-duty foil. Toss all ingredients in bowl. Spoon 1/4 mixture on one half of foil sheet. Fold foil over, and crimp edges to seal. Repeat with remaining ingredients and foil. Set packets on heated baking sheet. Reduce oven to 400F. Bake 30 minutes or until veggies are tender. (Pierce packet with knife to test.) Let stand 5 minutes. To serve: place packets on plates, slir tops, and fold back foil.

mmm...sounds good:) hehe. I'm also considering having a summer garden. Well, I've actually decided to have one. :) hehhe I am a late-bloomer, but it will be fun to make one anyway- with or without any sprouts. :)

Those are just some things to keep my mind occupied. I have many decisions to make. But now that it is summer, I am also going to start my 1/2 marathon training. Last year, I got sick and wasn't able to complete it...but I am looking forward to running this year!

Just some stuff...I appreciate prayers! lots of love-
Bess:)

awake. yet there is peace...

2010-05-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

I'm glad to be back from vacation. :) I have to finish up some school work then I'm done...:) lol Hard to believe this is my last summer as a high school student. :0 But its a great feeling:)

Right now, I have been applying for jobs...I really need to work this summer and my SR. year to put away $$ for college...college. WOW. It is such a crazy feeling to be graduating and going to college. WHERE...? I haven't decided. I know where I want to go, but $$ is always an issue...

Sometimes I get frightened. I lie awake at night, thinking about how in the world I am going to pay for college. It is so expensive, and I know I need to consider that in choosing a college.

But its still hard. I'm torn between what I want to do, and what God wants to do. Than goodness I still have a year yet to decide for final. :) I couldn't decide in less than a year...maybe a year isn't enough. Boo. haha God will work it out!

At least I have a good idea of what God wants with my life...and that is comforting. :) God is good like that- He never gives us too much to handle. :) So even when I'm awake at night, worrying (when I shouldn't be) God still gives peace. :)

Peace is kind of like the Rockies to me, or even the Great Smokies in Tennessee. It is steadfast. Unwavering. The Peace of God is steadfast and unwavering friends. That's how we know when we are filled with God's peace...and not just a second of stillness in this crazy world.

Being in the Rockies, I honestly didn't want to leave. The beauty was breathtaking. It was my first time to Colorado, and now someday I'd love to live there...at the same time, I feel like I'd be betraying my Southern roots. ;) haha When I would wake up in the morning, I would look out the window, and mountains where there. Snow capped mountains, and hills that seemed like a wall of protection...It is frightening to realize that these mountains could harvest unrest in the blizzards that come. But it was May, and no blizzard watch:)

Gods peace is there friends. Even in the blizzards or hurricanes or maybe just the rough patches that life brings our way. :)
Lots of love-
Beth:)

Just hand me the cookies, and its going to be okay.

2010-05-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

Life. Is. A .Crazy. Thing.
Okay, I've had a disappointing Friday. You know how it is when you cancel plans, because of other plans? And then the other plans getting canceled, so then you have nothing? Ya, well you may not, but that's what happened. But you know- its life. It happens.

This week a lady told me I had no talent...I was so hurt. It brought back all the other times people had told me the same thing. Its been an annoying week, and I wanted to take them and shake them up until they stop being jerks...hehe. (I know that isn't very nice, but sometimes I think it would feel great to beat someone up). :)

Anyways, I had a lot of cookies this week- oatmeal cookies. (Oatmeal raisin and oatmeal-peanut butter drops) They are my comfort food...and I tend to over-eat when stressed. Someone told me something pretty smart when i told them I eat a lot when stressed- they told me that, eating does tn' really help the stress, so just eat normal. That made since. Eating doesn't take stress away...so why do I do it?

Today I was really stressed, about plans being canceled, but I DIDN'T OVER EAT. LOL. And it felt great:) anyways, I need to go...this was a random post. ha.